To begin, perfectionists can't be lumped in the same pot. To sort out differences, Gordon Flett, University of Toronto, identifies three types of perfectionists.
1. Self-motivated In spite of any amount of praise they might receive from other people, these self-oriented perfectionists can always find fault with themselves.
2. Feel as though the world expects them to be impeccable. In a classroom setting, these are the children who won't try new things because they're scared of looking foolish. They often must cope with sadness or anger, because they perceive the demands of others as unreasonable and unfair. Since they need to appear perfect, so-called "socially-proscribed" perfectionists almost never ask for help. They keep problems to themselves and let them fester.
3. Extend high standards to everyone else in their immediate orbit They demand the same thing from others that they demand in themselves, which seems fair to them. Personal relationships are nearly impossible, and marriages fall apart. They are the world's worst bosses.
Are you a perfectionist? To see where you stand, see how you rate on the Psychology Today quiz for perfectionism.
"The reach for perfection can be painful," Monica Ramirez Basco explains, "because it is often driven by both a desire to do well and a fear of the consequences of not doing well. This is the double-edged sword of perfectionism."Bad news is, according to Dr. Basco,
emotional consequences of perfectionism includes fear of making mistakes, stress from the pressure to perform, and self-consciousness from feeling both self-confidence and self-doubt. Additionally, it can lead to tension, frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger or fear of humiliation. And when you consider that stress takes years off our lives, this is not a small problem.
To exit perfection's prison, Dr. Basco says,
treat your perfectionistic schemas as hypotheses rather than facts. Maybe you are right or maybe you are wrong. Perhaps they apply in some situations, but not in others (e.g., at work, but not at home), or with some people, such as your uptight boss, but not with others, such as your new boyfriend. Rather than stating your schema as a fact, restate it as a suggestion. Gather evidence from your experiences in the past, from your observations from others, or by talking to other people.Do events usually happen just the way folks theorize? OK, today's the day to try on a new belief and test it out...especially at work if you've been stalled or stressed by perfection's deception.
Good news is that today the brain can build new dendrite cells for a new way of handling jobs you need to complete. Why not begin questioning old theories and let go of past perfection as the only approach? Start with bite size pieces. The more people practice and live new patterns, the more their brain rewires new schemas. And a level of comfort is reached with the new.
Thoughts?
Credit for perfectionist cartoon
