Are You an Ear or a Mouth?

Listening Communication Skills Brain Based Listening Quiz

Listening is as important to communication as good speaking skills. A Chicago Tribune story shows that people too often confuse communication with persuasion. “Rather than a tell-and-sell approach, effective communication is interactive.” How do you communicate with others?

Are you planning what you’ll say next as others are speaking? Have you ever considered that this tendency is related to our fast paced culture, which thrives on fast food and fast lanes? We haven’t left much time for meaningful conversation, much less to listen.

Our culture has fashioned the way most of us speak and listen. For instance, when you’re engaged in discussion do you hear pauses? If you’re honest, you’ll say rarely. In the U.S. we feel awkward if there are pauses in conversation so someone quickly jumps to fill them. Next time a group is engaged in conversation note what happens when there is even a short pause. How can we change this tendency?

Rate yourself as a listener. Take this quiz and when you finish you’ll see your score. I was brutally honest as I answered and clearly see that I have areas needing immediate attention. How did you do? I’m jotting down the ones I checked “no” and I’ll take action. Are you willing to jump in, too?

Here’s how you can rewire your brain for more effective listening. By taking action and practicing new strategies daily, you can become a great listener, one that others love to engage in conversation. Here are some excellent brain based strategies from Michael Powell’s book, Mind Games:

1. Listen with your face…. What expressions might show other folks that you are engaged and interested in their points?
2. Maintain good eye contact and face the speaker with your whole body.
3. Stop what you’re doing during... and that includes talking.
4. Look for nonverbal cues – body language and tone of voice.
5. Don’t argue mentally or be a judge of what the person is saying. Only speak to clarify (by asking questions) to gain understanding. Or, show verbally that you are hearing what is said by briefly repeating a key point.
6. Use your mouth as a receiver of information rather than a broadcaster.
7. Try to feel the speaker’s experience.
8. Form a mental picture that represents what the speaker is saying.
9. Ask two footed questions, that touch the topic and engage the speaker to bring in more of her experiences.
10. Show in some way that you respect the speaker’s stance even if you do not agree with it.

I’m starting by “listening with my face.” Where will you launch?