Adversity and Me

Though I feel good about coming through to the end of an adverse experience, if you're like me, you do not desire to linger long on these times and places. Adversity is life's schooling. Adversity shaped me.

Seven adverse experiences:

1. Failed the Plane Geometry Regents, a New York State high stakes exam. I was a fairly good student and could hold my own in school, but math concepts were hard to grasp. My teacher spoke with the most monotonous voice I've ever listened to. My attention span was zilch. No doubt I zoned out. Though I read the text carefully, I just didn't get the logical proofs for the theorems. My teacher was very patient. She tutored me after school at least two nights a week for the whole spring semester. In addition, my mom sent me to a neighbor for assistance. He had been a Station Master for the Erie Railroad. Odd credentials to teach me geometry. One day, as I sat in his dining room and he gave explanation, I had an "aha" moment. I cannot put my finger on why his help did the trick, but it did. Lesson: Keep at a problem until you figure it out. Take advantage of help offered by others. Don't give up on yourself.

2. Early teaching experiences - difficult. At 22, I did not catch on to why students did not love literature and ideas as I did. After all, these literary treasures provided life lessons. But I soon came to realize that students thought of much of the classics as musty and stuffy. Just because you read something and understand a concept in college courses, does not mean you can translate that to the everyday world in effective ways. Then one evening, when chaperoning a group of students on a bus trip, I had an "aha" as I heard one student playfully converting his ideas to the rhythms of the poem "'Twas the night before Christmas." I wondered how he might be convinced to convert Julius Caesar to a modern inner city landscape. Don't tell anybody this, but I bargained with him to write that play in the place of his term paper. I told him it would be fun for our 11th grade classes to present his play to the whole school. Farfetched? Not at all. Lesson: I built on my learners' strengths and abilities. A focus on students' gifts and talents changed the learning experience for me and them. This paved the way for me to be open to MITA work with Dr. Ellen Weber. Assisting learners to build on their gifts and talents... to move concepts to real life is a brain-based approach.

3. In my 20's a horrible flu hit my body and landed right in my heart lining . Every fourth beat thumped and lifted my chest in a scary way. Devoid of strength, I could hardly get up from bed. The doctor sent me straight to hospital where I was put on complete bedrest with a monitor on my heart. I was there for a whole month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Times when we are set aside, give us pause to reflect on what life's truly about. I thanked God often for life and the people, who brought blessing to my life. Scared, yes... but, a realization began to capture my thoughts... I really wanted to have a child. During days in that bed, not able to move, I asked God if He would be willing to bring a child to my life. If not, I would accept that, too. Strange that I focused on having a child more than asking for healing, but that was my focus. I was released from hospital, day before Christmas, though weak. Amazingly, a couple of months following this I learned I was pregnant. A blessing of the Lord. Lesson: Take time to meditate on God and what is important to your whole life.

4. My husband and I were turned down on a home purchase offer after waiting 30 days for owners to sign. After scouring our area for a home when Carl completed college, we settled on an older cobblestone house which opened a wonderful view of Silver Lake since it was on a slight rise. The refusal delayed our quest to find a country home. So it was almost the end of summer before Carl began his teaching career. We had no home. We lived with his parents. Then I said, "Remember that old inn that needs work? I think we could fix it up because the purchase price is low. He agreed and we bought it. We gutted it. We ran new water pipes, had two bathrooms, a new furnace installed. By October we moved in. First choices aren't always the best overall. Lesson: Fashion what you have at hand into what you want. Later, we purchased the rest of the acreage that went with this century farm. Owning this land was our dream.

5. Shyness and lack of confidence held me back. I can remember mother saying my father was a shy person. Just hearing her say that, plus my genetic make-up, helped contribute to a pattern of painful shyness and lack of confidence. Here's one incident... In second grade I was too shy to ask the teacher what I had to make up after a week sick with strep throat. So I turned around and asked the girl behind me. The teacher caught me talking. She came, grabbed my arm, went to her closet, took out a paddle and whacked me in front of the whole class. I was so scared and mortified that I wet my pants.

Even more recently, when I had my interview to enter the PhD program, I lacked confidence. The interviewer did not recommend me. However, another professor in the department interviewed me and saw a raw gem in a rough stone. She approved my acceptance. I had passion for the goal I strived to accomplish. Nothing could hold me back... not even lack of confidence.

When forced to take a required course from the first interviewer, I balked. Ellen Weber gave me a plan to turn this around. She said I should smile, greet him cordially, and strike up a conversation every time I saw him. She also gave me strategies to ask good questions based on readings, which I could apply to seminar discussions. She advised me to take the risk to share my ideas boldly or I would not make it in the program. A great desire filled my heart to finish the program so I could be an asset to the MITA work. The more I acted opposite to feelings, changes evolved. Lesson: Step out and take risks. Act opposite to feelings. By doing so, you build confidence step-by-step.

6. "You need an extra course", my advisor said... just before the end of my PhD program. You learn to "eat rocks." One more course meant I had to pay out-of-pocket tuition with no work-study to defray expenses. To make the best of the setback, I elected to take a course in technology. I still reap the benefits. Without the course I'd lack technological savvy needed in many work settings. Lesson: Change setbacks to advantages. Avoid dwelling on what goes wrong, but take advantage in ways that benefit.

7. Hit black ice and totaled car when it hit a tree. As I waited in a an ice cold car, crippled on its side, windows smashed and branches poking through, I wondered if help would ever arrive. My first reaction... I am alive... God spared me for something important. I waited and waited and yelled, "help." No one heard. I prayed that someone would see the car and phone the rescue squad. This crash helped me see what I most valued.

Joining MITA was a way to help others use their gifts and talents. So I took a risky financial leap to quit my job and help launch a vision Ellen Weber began to develop 15 years prior. The Lord helped open my eyes. Soon after my mother died. Her inheritance helped tide me over to keep my feet on the ground for a bit. Lesson: Life is more than money - it is fulfilling a purpose to help others develop their unique gifts. Incidentally, no black ice had formed there in previous years I drove this road to work. "God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform."

Challenges: Puzzles, challenges and problems activate the human brain, which leaps to solve them. Writing this blog was major because I am a private person and don't like to reveal what was hard. Wasn't sure I could do it, but kept seven in mind as I listened to Mozart. The stretch to complete it flowed as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Optimal Experience. Joanna Young contends that your mind keeps flowing until you meet the number challenge. Try either Robert's or Janice's writing challenge listed just below and see what happens. One benefit - the writing sharpens creativity and problem solving skills for work.

Robert Hruzek's What I Learned from... Adversity topic is his April group writing challenge. If you want to participate the deadline is tomorrow, April 12. The rules are listed on his site.

You'll note I've included seven things listed that you probably did not know about me. Janice, author of Sharing the Journey, just launched this new blog. I'd like to tag the following friends to join the meme and give Janice a link, too. Best part is you can use your creativity to shape your writing in unique and creative way. You're at the helm.

Alina Popescue at Words of a Broken Mirror

Brad Shorr at Word Sell

Jeanne Dininni at Writers Notes

Joanna Young at Confident Writing

Karen Swim at Words for Hire

Lisa Gates at Craving Balance

Paul, Cam and John at Chaos Scenario

Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings

Up to the challenge?

What I Learned from Uncle Earl's Generosity

My hubby Carl, desired to be a physical education teacher. So when I obtained a teaching position I encouraged him to go back to school. I could support us and he could complete a lifelong goal. All went well, and Carl soon completed his second year. At that time I discovered I was expecting. We decided to stretch Carl's $100.00 per month veteran's benefit allowance. We had a place to live rent free since we were dorm parents for young men attending college. Carl earned extra for cleaning the dorm, while I worked part time in the PR department of the college. With very little money we met all expenses. Barely!

Travel times consisted of a 300 mile trip to and from home during holidays. Both our families gathered to celebrate and we wanted to be there, especially when Scott was born. At the same time Carl took our car to Uncle Earl's garage for oil changes, brakes fixed, etc. Maybe our car was over the hill... Hmmm... See what you think.

Uncle Earl, an upstanding Kiwanis leader and down to earth Pontiac dealer, lived in a small country village in western New York. His white hair and round steel rimmed glasses perched on his leathery face gave the look of an earlier era. At the gas station, Uncle Earl would briskly approach you with a smile and hearty greeting, as he wiped grease from his hands on oily cloths. He stuck to work and business so you'd not discern he might have other things on his mind, too.

Scott was a real hit in his newborn Santa suit that first Christmas. Everyone passed him around and admired him at the family gathering around Uncle Earl's table. Following the hearty meal, Uncle Earl took Carl aside and told him he had a 1956 Pontiac station wagon - an older, one-owner in excellent shape he'd like us to have while Carl attended school.

The gift of this sturdy car, perfectly fitting our needs, truly surprised us. It replaced a vehicle extra ready for retirement. The real shock rooted from the fact that giving the car revealed a side of Uncle Earl's character unknown to us at that point.

After his death we learned that he overlooked some folks' overdue bills, actually not collecting some when he could have. Maybe he knew they were unable to pay.

Interestingly, researchers at the University of British Columbia and the Harvard Business School find that it's possible to buy happiness after all: when you spend money on others. Psychologist Abraham Maslow calls this self-actualization - people express themselves most fully when contributing something valuable to others. Generosity's the outward manifestation of strong Intrapersonal intelligence. The more you practice it, the more you rewire your brain for openhandedness.

Uncle Earl often said he wanted to live to be 100. He died in his 99th year and almost reached that birthday, vigorous, keen of mind and active till the end... As I look back and reflect today, I feel a warm spot in my heart. His life's a reminder to me to pass his generosity on to others. Uncle Earl experienced the first depression... and came through knowing how to stretch money and be generous to others at the same time. Wow!

I created this piece to contribute to Robert Hruzek's What I Learned from the Generosity of Others challenge.

Robert will collect other contributions through midnight, December 7th. Why not send him an entry of your own?

What I Learned from a Government Deportation Notice

Now is the hour, when we must say goodbye.
Soon you'll be sailing far across the sea.
While you're away, oh, then, remember me.
When you return, you'll find me waiting here. Maori Song

One winter day, a plain white envelope, with a return address, "U.S. Department of Justice, Immigration and Naturalization Service service, appeared in my parent's post office box. When my mother's eyes took in that address, anxiety must have gripped like a fever reaching the boiling point. The Department of Justice sent notice to my mother informing her that Robyn Josephine Ottley resided illegally in the United States of America because she does not have a "valid immigration visa."

Mother gave up everything to come to the United States to marry my step-father [Dad], but she brought me along with her. Truly a dilemma when the notice arrived! But, in time, help arrived... not in the form of Superman, but rather a caring congressman from our district.

James W. Wadsworth,Jr., acted more as a "servant" of his constituents. Wadsworth's keen abilities enabled me to stay in the U.S. as an "alien," rather than to find myself on the next ship to Sydney, Australia.

Congressional Representatives can act as servants of their constituents when they go out of their way to help, as James Wadsworth did. Thankfully, there are women and men in the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives who do work on behalf of constituents' individual needs in tangible ways.

To change the laws for immigrants with children, Wadsworth shone through two of his strong intelligences - intrapersonal and interpersonal:

Intrapersonal He had a high level of empathy. Researcher Lidewij Niezink contends that "altruism is a choice." Clearly Wadswoth cultivated altruism and once he knew the plight of our family, he took action and tapped into his power of office.

Interpersonal He showed a high level of interpersonal skills. He had built these as a New York State Senator when he fought to oppose prohibition. He made 131 speeches across the United States which aided in repeal. As he worked to assist my parents, he built on his skills for political acumen and contacts in congress. High social smarts made the difference!

From this experience I've learned that our congressional representatives can be there for us and touch our lives in very significant ways. My mother and I could live together freely in the U.S. And, Now is the hour was a happy memory of times together, rather than pangs of separation.

God moves in a mysterious way
his wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea,
and rides upon the storm. William Cowper

If you're inspired to share something you've Learned from Government, you might want to participate in Robert Hruzek's November challenge.

What I Learned from Friends

Ellen Weber asked me to give her a hand as she launched Brain Leaders and Learners, a new Word Press blog. I love a creative challenge so I created a header and attempted to help with tech components. Guess what! The whole process nearly floored me... and here's where friends influenced the process...

Many friends recently moved blog sites from TypePad and Blogger to Word Press. Word Press has many professional options and allows much more contrul over the blog. And, after the attempt to help Ellen, I respect your courage to make this move...

Your new blogs look fresh and inviting. Congrats for pulling it off...

Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
Brad Shorr at Word Sell
Chris Brown at Branding and Marketing
Joanna Young at Confident Writing
Karen Swim at Words for Hire
Terry Starbucker at Ramblings from a Glass Half Full

I asked Brad Shorr if did this kind of work since he creates brilliant cartoons. He does not, but he kindly pointed me to an associate, Lara, at Anubis Marketing. Believe me, I know wisdom when I hear it. I contacted Lara and she came to the rescue.

Lara's expertise changed everything. She recommended that Ellen choose a unique design so that the blog did not resemble everyone else's. Not only that, she took the original header, added her touches and created a subtle, professional quality that connects well to the MITA Brain Based Center.

Ellen wrote initial posts and I suggested that she add some of the plug-in's Joanna Young recommended to encourage comments... such as Comment Luv and gravatars to make conversation more friendly since you can actually see people who take part in discussions. All was great until I attempted to add these. You may think it easy if you're technically gifted... but I found it a challenge.

Trouble flared at this point. Here's Lara's description: "You nearly blocked all of us out of the site entirely, and could've gone so far as to block anyone from even being able to view the site from the outside at all."

All is well now, but I'm a fix-it person and a problem solver first... especially if directions lack clarity... and, I'm still learning the hard way...

When two or more brains tackle problems, results look o-o-o-o-o-ooh so different.

I value the social community of friends I've found in the blogosphere. I learn from friends each time I read ideas they present on blogs or they comment on what I write. They inspire and they take the lead in many areas in which I'm still learning. I truly enjoy the conversations with them. You know and enjoy a variety of personalities. What a pleasure... and you can keep gathering new friends as you discover new blogs that intrigue you.

One way to meet new folks is to participate in Robert Hruzek's "What I Learned from My Friends" writing project this month.

Do drop by to see Ellen's new blog, too.

What I Learned from Connecting Dots...

Combine two or more things together and you can produce something really good. Robert Hruzek

Robert, your quote shows the "stuff" from which genius derives. Probably that's why I love reading Middle Zone Musings so much! Robert Hruzek's current "What I Learned from" challenge is to show what we learned from seemingly unrelated things we experienced - which produced something good. I'm ready to give it a good whack!

Heroes and Pets... My husband and I have a pet cat, Ginger. We came by her in mysterious ways because she was a stray. And because we have warm hearts, we began to feed Ginger, and she found a new home in our big old horse barn. Ginger seemed to have several litters of kittens and somehow each time her belly became skinny again the kittens never materialized. But one day, when we happened to have our four grandsons and six other children visiting a most improbable event occurred. On our huge front porch, kids were playing and adults were sitting on benches and chatting. Suddenly, Ginger came over the porch rail and dropped a kitten at the feet of my daughter-in-law, who promptly began to pet it. Evidently Ginger thought that was safe enough so she went away and returned with a second kitten, and finally for a third time...

My grandsons fell in love with Ginger's kittens and their Mom consented they could have all three for pets. So Ginger was a hero since she rescued this set of kittens. We had Ginger neutered and she leads a much happier life now.

Planes and Relatives Since I came to the U.S. when very young, I deeply anticipated a first journey back to Australia, my native land, some 32 years later. I was accompanying my Mother on a trip back to see our family there. We first crossed the Pacific by boat to come to the U.S. and it was such a convenience to return by plane. We stopped in Honolulu at midnight and I can still catch the aroma of frangipani blossoms that filled the air around the airport's open observation deck. The glowing red sun, rising in the sky and reflecting hues on clouds, heightened glow happiness in my heart.

But when we arrived in Sydney, air traffic was congested so we circled for quite awhile. I could not believe amazing reconnections which surfaced when I saw the "Coathanger," Sydney Harbor Bridge and the beautiful beaches where I frolicked when young. Time seemed to reverse for me.

Before we knew it, we were in the arms of loving family. It was as if only moments had passed. Though we changed over the years, essential personalities... remain unchanged. The whole journey back, to reconnect with family and with my roots was one of the most incredible adventures in my life. Planes transport us to different worlds in very short periods of time - they open doors to possibility and adventure - and so do families - even more so!

Recreation and Children I've had some real adventures on the golf course and with children, too. The lesson here is to expect the unexpected. That's what makes each so special. I've had both a small alligator and snake cross the fairway in front of me. But one lesson I've learned is not to keep your eye on the ball [gloating about a good shot.] Golfers necessarily move ahead to keep the game progressing at a good pace, so you just don't dawdle after a shot. But once I tried both at the same time with more of an emphasis on watching the ball and I walked right into a tree. Yes! My focus was very sharp, but did me in! What a lesson that was.

Children also keep adventure in our lives. We never knew what our youngest son would come up with next. And one day in exasperation, my husband put his hands on his hips, looked down at our four year old son and said, "You're a little pill!" Our son had a very quick wit. As he put his hands on his hips mimicking his Dad, he retorted, "You're an aspirin." So with children you are often surprised that they have such amazing "comebacks," and I'm sure you have some to share, too.

Connections lead to interesting outcomes. Results take you aback when you put together two very different elements - in everyday life or a quick "fix it" to make things easier for your business clients.

To share lessons you've learned be sure to read Robert Hruzek's challenge for May to write on "mashed potatoes" and join the fun!

What I Learned from Nature in 2006

Though I learn something new almost every day, two surprises came from nature that continue to inspire me. Here's the essence...

• Nature sparks inspiration -- and art grows here. My grandsons joined me for a walk in the woods. Jonathan, 8, stopped me from stepping on a "geiko" which he deftly rescued and carefully cupped in his hands thoughout our trek. And, though he let this much cherished geiko loose at the end of our trip, he later recaptured it in watercolors at his kitchen table. Jonathan rated his experience in the woods as "better than going to Six Flags," a million-dollar amusement park.
  
  
• Even cats take risks. Every time Ginger, an abandoned cat who discovered our barn, gave birth to kittens they disappeared. But, one day when ten little children played on our large front porch, Ginger carried three prized kitties, one-by one, and placed them at the feet of my daughter-in-law. The children picked them up, cuddled and loved them and amazingly convinced their Mom and Dad to adopt all three. I could not imagine a cat bringing treasures in the midst of squealing children, but she did. And it is an image of risk, I will not forget.

Ben Yoskovitz, at Instigator Blog challenged fellow bloggers to look back in time and ask the question "What did you learn this year?" Ben will donate $5.00 to charity for each entry. These two inspirations are my response to that challenge.

I hope you'll take the baton now and write an entry for Ben!