Sweet Moments Treasured in My Heart

Saturday afternoon, Steve and I drove the Chevy to the levee (okay, it was the uncatchy VW) and walked about three miles along the lake. The sun glimmered on the waters, and a gentle breeze cooled us as we headed back to the car. When we returned home, Pamela and I counted birds for the Great Backyard Bird Count. We stood for a half hour at the kitchen window and, although the count was low due to a pesky hog-faced squirrel at the feeder and an evil cat who adopted a neighbor last summer, we enjoyed our quiet time together. Yesterday was our final day for the count. At seeing our last two customers, I broke out into song, "Two mourning doves!" Without missing a beat, Pamela improvised, completely impromptu, "And the cardinals on a bird day!"

Then, the Saturday miracle happened. You might not think of it as miraculous but any family dealing with autism knows one when they see it. Pamela and I headed to the store to pick up some things. She picked out a small bag of chips to go with her burger for dinner. I know I bought the chips. I saw the clerk put them in the bag. I put all the bags in the car. Somehow between the car and the house, the bag of chips disappeared. I don't know where it went. I don't know how it happened but the chips vanished.

While she is mature enough to avoid a full-blown meltdown, we usually cannot avoid tears in such situations. I spent ten minutes looking in all the cabinets, drawers, refrigerator, and car. Pamela remained calm and joined me in the search. I apologized several times while we looked everywhere. When she realized that the chips were gone, she looked over to the gluten-free bread our neighbor picked up for us Friday. She said, "Chips, next time." She quietly opened the bag of bread and fixed her hamburger. Pamela kept herself so well-composed I stopped her after she grabbed two pieces of bread. I hugged her and looked her in the eye. I told her she was so brave and stayed so calm about the chips. I smiled at her, and she smiled back at me and nodded, "Yes!"

Today was another warm, gorgeous day and so many lovely things filled my heart to near bursting. Pamela and I studied in the morning. She flew through math and remembered many details from our readings about the Presidents. Last week, I introduced her to the electoral vote by playing with a spreadsheet about the 2000 presidential election. We looked at the popular vote first which leads you to one conclusion. Then, we went state by state, looking at the results of the popular vote, and assigning electoral candidates. Since Florida was the source of so much controversy, we did that state last. The electoral vote lead to another conclusion, which is the constitutional one.

Today, when Pamela narrated the presidential elections, she told me they were counted by state! Woo hoo! Then, we read the lesson which talked about how Andrew Jackson held the first national convention to pick a candidate for the party. That was something I had forgotten (if I ever learned it in high school). The first one for Jackson's party, the Democrats, occurred in Baltimore, Maryland in 1832.

Before plunging into A Child's History of the World, Pamela told me what she remembered about the Bronze Age. She said, "Caveman had fire. Made copper. No wire. No electricity." I replied, "They didn't make wires. I wonder what they made." She answered, "Hammers. Knives." After reading and narrating, we talked about the map in the book. Pamela made a connection to the Caspian Sea because it reminded her of Prince Caspian.

Our lesson on sculptures was spectacular. Sculptures? Yep!

As always, we recalled what we did last time, which was draw an Assyrian tree of life into a slab of Sculpey clay, which we baked to harden it. To start today's lesson, Pamela made rubbing with crayons. Then, we inked it and tried making stamps. The original drawing was more like a sunken relief sculpture (the one on the right) because she carved into the clay. We made a second slab and made an imprint of it, which turned out to be like a high relief sculpture (the one on the left). But, that was not even the cool part!



I glanced over the first sentence of the book, which talked about a chop. "Today in Japan and China, artists sign their names with a stamp made of carved stone called a chop." Suddenly, I realized that we have a couple of them in our house! Whenever Steve travels overseas on business, he always picks up interesting objects. On one trip, he brought home some chops. I sprung off the couch and grabbed one. We inked it up and stamped the paper. I told Steve about what happened later on and we both had a good laugh. When we were in the Navy, senior officers had to put their chop on paperwork, which meant they had to initial it--the Captain in green and the Executive Officer in red. We had no idea the term's origin was connected to the Chinese stamps in our office! If that wasn't enough, the reading ends with talking about different museums in which you can find Assyrian sculpture--one is located in Baltimore (a connection to our reading on the Presidents)!

The rest of the morning went smoothly. Pamela had another surprise for me. When we sang "El Coqui" in Spanish, Pamela harmonized! Since it is a very short song and we are still learning the lyrics, we repeated it a few times. Every time we sang it, Pamela sang a third above the melody. She has never done that before, and I just loved it!

We ate lunch with some homeschooling friends who are interested in Charlotte Mason's ideas. They asked me to do a "show and tell" to give them a glimpse of how we do things. We sat at umbrella tables in an outdoor patio out back and the children who came enjoyed playing together. As we talked, we soaked up the sunshine and fresh air. Afterwards, as we began to chat about how we all met one by one in unusual ways for a small town, we realized that only the hand of God could make such a meeting possible. So many disconnected threads all woven in such a beautiful way. I have been hoping to become involved with a local study group for the past ten years, and it looks like this one has fallen into my lap. Suddenly, I felt very loved and cherished by my Father in heaven.

‎"The world is perishing for lack of the knowledge of God and the Church is famishing for want of His Presence. The instant cure of most of our religious ills would be to enter the Presence in spiritual experience, to become suddenly aware that we are in God and that God is in us. This would lift us out of our pitiful narrowness and cause our hearts to be enlarged." ~ A. W. Tozer

New Year Reflections

Here is the only math I will put in this post. My next post is another matter. To celebrate the New Year Pamela style, I printed out a dodecahedron calendar from RightStart on cardstock for her to cut out and put together. Pamela loves calendars and she can tell you the day of the week you were born given your birthday and year. A cyber friend emailed me to ask Pamela if when she could "recycle" her 2003 calendar because of the repetition of the fourteen different kinds of calendar. In five seconds, Pamela told me 2014. She loved kicking off the first school day of 2011 making her own calendar.

Cutting out this calendar appeared quite complicated and, at first, Pamela looked overwhelmed. Then, I guided her into breaking down the job into smaller steps:

• I picked up my scissors and snipped off one edge. I handed it back to her and she realized that the job becomes less intimidating when you focus on one corner.
• At first, she focused on edges while I snipped out the corners. Once she was comfortable, she cut both edges and corners too. When she felt stuck, she passed it back to me and until we cut out the entire outline.
• The next phase was cutting the solid lines joining two calendar pages. Pamela caught on right away. She cut and I "cleaned up" any sloppy cutting--her fine motor skills still need sharpening.
• Then we took turns folding along the dashed lines.
• Because glue is just not her thing, I glued and taped the insides until the calendar was finished.

This process reminds me of how we have taught Pamela many things that seemed impossible at first. At first, I feel overwhelmed and then I think about what small things can she do to get the ball rolling like I did with having her work on the outer edges of the calendar first. Sometimes, seeing her do some thing small helps me see that she can do more than I expected. Then, I slowly work in something more difficult (like snipping off the corners). Sometimes, she figures out what to do by watching and imitating my actions. Pamela also knows she can turn to me for help when she is stuck, making her more willing to try something new. When an expectation is beyond her reach, I quietly step in and take care of those things (cleaning up sloppy cutting and gluing and taping) without making her feel incompetent for not being able to yet. YET!

Knowing that today's "yet" is tomorrow's milestone keeps me positive as we slowly plod along.

Speaking of milestones, the other day, we had the most delightful little conversation. To give you some perspective, at 10, Pamela had LOTS of words, mainly nouns and phrases, but could not put them together in a sentence because of her aphasia. We had tried autism programs like Teach Me Language off and on, but they were not effective. By 14, not much had changed in being able to put words together so as to make sense! Then, we found the association method, which is for kids with aphasia and other severe language disorders. By 18, she could speak in very short, limited sentences. That's when we stumbled on RDI, which gave her a newfound ability to communicate without words (reading facial expressions and body language, having the desire to communicate, sharing experiences, etc.). Being able to fall back on nonverbals smooths her path to communication when she is having glitches with her verbalization.

Last year, Pamela turned 21 years old. We continue to work on her nonverbal and verbal communication in context, focused on full meaning, without direct prompting, and without constant corrections. Yes, you read that right--WITHOUT. She can relax and trust me that sharing what she thinks is not going to bring out the drill instructor. If she makes herself clear enough for me to understand, then we continue the flow of conversation. I don't worry if she has a grammar glitch or a wrong word or even an invented word. While she is not having a back and forth exchange of ten perfect sentences, she is up to two or three turns when the moment is right. Here is a recent short conversation:

Me: "Pamela, you were right!" (I intentionally left out information to see what she would do with it. It is a way of encouraging her to communicate without prompting.)

Pamela: "Right about what?" (Don't you love that question? She cared enough to ask!)

Me: "Burger King" (She noticed the Burger King sign coming down the other day; I thought they were fixing it.)

Pamela: "Is it closed?"

Me: "Yes!"

Pamela: "Is it moved?" (Earlier in the year, the McDonald's closed for two weeks while they were moving into a new building.)

Me: "No. Burger King didn't build a new building."

It is never too late to try something new. But, it's important to find things that are small and slow and steady. Sometimes, I think LF children have been bombarded with too much and they shut down and give up. Sometimes, we feel overwhelmed by too many things to do and too many decisions to make. Autism is a very complicated thing, and, sometimes, no matter what parents do, the child struggles. We need very slow, gentle learning situations where we all can process and think before interacting. Speaking without thinking, speaking automatically, speaking without ideas and connections and meaning is just talk. Communication is more than words.

Yesterday Pamela asked one simple question that revealed a sophisticated train of thought three steps ahead of us. Even though she doesn't always participate, she pays attention to our conversations. The black car is in the shop, so Steve borrowed the van at work to get home the day he dropped it off. The van has been sitting here since then. Steve left it at the office today and got a ride to the airport for a business trip. He asked me to pick up him on his return later in the week. He also mentioned that he was picking up the black car before the weekend. While he and Pamela were running errands last night, she asked, "Where am I going on ___day?" Steve had no idea what she meant. Then, she added, "Get the black car." Suddenly, Steve realized that he would need me to go to Charleston with him to pick up the car. Pamela had reasoned all that out in her mind, and clearly a great deal of thought went behind her simple question. While she probably lacks the ability to explain her logic, her question is evidence of her ability to reason.

Last Sunday, we saw evidence of more milestones in the making. Her first experience with death was when her great-grandmother died in 2004. It upset her greatly and we weren't allowed to mention the "d" word. Over the years, she started asking questions. Where is her body? Where is her soul? Does her soul have a mouth? Is her body a skeleton? In 2006, my great aunt died and Pamela wasn't ready to face it. We all drove to North Carolina, and Steve dropped David and I off at the funeral and took Pamela somewhere to kill time. In the past year, Pamela has seemed less fearful and asks questions from time to time.

When we learned of Uncle Jerry's terminal illness, we told Pamela about it. She first said, "It's alright. He'll get better." We told her that wasn't going to happen. His body was too sick. She asked, "Pass away?" We confirmed the truth for her. We visited him a couple of times and she never acted fearful around him and interacted with him like she always did. When we told her he had died on Christmas Day, she said, "He's in heaven with Eugenia. What about the babies?" I had no idea what she meant until she started talking about Baby Alive. Pamela wanted to know if she could bring her three babies to North Carolina. And, she did!

When she first asked about going to the funeral, we left it up to her. Aunt Edna had the body cremated and planned a memorial service on his birthday next September. So, all that Pamela would need to experience was visitation with family, friends, and friends of friends at the funeral home plus a short ceremony with military honors. We hoped she would try because it would be the least intimidating way to approach this. Pamela joined us at the funeral home and spent most of the time sitting in a comfortable arm chair, watching everything.

When the Air Force airmen started the flag folding ceremony, I was on the other end of the room. Since Pamela had been fine up to this point, I figured she would be okay. And, she was. I had forgotten this little thing called a gun salute, which happens before the bugler sounds "Taps." I hate to admit it but I jumped at the first shot. Then, I worried about what Pamela would do? Would she notice? It was so loud. How could she not notice? Would she get upset and freak out? I didn't hear a peep until after the second shot. Then, a calm voice asked, "What are they shooting?"

I quietly moved next to Pamela and explained that they soldiers were honoring Uncle Jerry because he was a soldier too. Her serenity surprised me because clearly she knew those were not fireworks. I think Pamela noticed that everyone in the room was standing still and calm. She didn't panic because nobody else was.

So, Pamela has reached another milestone: saying those cute things that kids say in public that make people chuckle. Okay, so she's about twenty years late. Who cares! A milestone is a milestone!

The other new thing is emphasizing her words by spelling it out. "I said 'Now, N-O-W, Now'!" This evening, Pamela and I were at my parents' house. She was tired and wanted to go home. After we ignored her first two requests, she said, "I want to go. G-O, go!" And, as she was saying the letters g and o, she was signing them with her hands using the manual alphabet!

Pamela definitely made her point!

This and That in Pamela's Development

Sometimes, I just have to sit back and take stock of the little things we are seeing in Pamela's development.

Last Friday morning, I slept in longer than usual. Steve left for work Well before I slunk out of bed. Who knows how long the other early bird (Pamela) had been up? When she spotted me coming downstairs, Pamela quietly followed me to the computer and asked, "Is it dead?" The computer seemed to be sleeping in too. No pretty blue lights displayed the icons that decorate the laptop. No pleasant fan whirred in the background. A quick check revealed the problem. The computer had become unplugged the night before, and all power had ebbed out of the battery before dawn.

Then, I realized the little miracle. Pamela had not wailed loudly when she made the awful discovery on her own. She had not woken me up to fix it for her. She had stayed calm and regulated while I slept blissfully ignorant of the battery's demise. Her anxieties are clearly diminishing because last year I would have faced a rude awakening.

My parents drove to a peach orchard, so I feed and let out Miss Elvira, their white standard poodle. They paid me with fresh, juicy peaches. Since she didn't knew their destination, I told Pamela that Oma and Opa had brought back something from their trip. I raised my eyebrows and tried to exude an air of mystery. Pamela asked, "What?" I pretended to eat a fruit, making a crunchy sound while holding something ball-like in my hand, so she guessed apple. Then, I shook my head and wiggled my fingers down my chin to simulate dribbling juice. She guessed, "Oranges" and then "Peaches." Now, how cool is that? Autistic people aren't supposed to understand nonverbal communication and, thanks to RDI, Pamela can! This ability has definitely improved her quality of life because, when aphasia gums up her words and syntax, she can fall back on gestures and facial expressions.

Before I went to bed Saturday night, Pamela spoke to me in Spanish. Steve is a native speaker in both English and Spanish as is his entire family. Being comfortable with Spanish is important since we sometimes travel to Latin America. Pamela knows that "Steve es mi papa" means "Steve is my dad". Through clever word substitution, she said, "Tammy es mi mama," so I replied, "Pamela es mi hija" (Pamela is my daughter). Even if she is never fluent in Spanish, enjoying the language and being able to express herself even a little will help her feel more confident around her extended family.

During the church service the next day, I was sitting with the choir as usual. Pamela, Steve, and David were in the same pew. Pamela loves doing both children's bulletins (young kids and older kids). She got stuck on finding a five-letter word for the opposite of light. She quietly turned to Steve for help. He was stuck so he showed her the trick of guessing words in the sentence and working backwards to figure out that the first letter of the opposite word was h. The minute he wrote h she whispered, "Heavy." Steve's heart melted in this beautiful moment in which they were equal partners, working together to solve a problem. Pamela was being very quiet, not disturbing people around her. She enjoyed using her mind in a task that wasn't related to school. Too many people never want to see another book or use their brain after they leave school.

I have not blogged much on our latest RDI goal and plan to rectify that this week. We just wrapped up spotlighting Pamela's ability to recognize when someone is not available and resist the impulse to interrupt. This ability improves the quality of life of most parents. Think about how often we get interrupted while talking on the phone, taking a bath, using the toilet, etc. Because of Pamela's growing interest in eavesdropping and knowing who is on the phone, she plagued me with questions while I was trying to talk. Now, she looks at me and says, "Not available" and walks away. The minute I hang up she is back, asking me questions! Yesterday, she turned the tables on us. Her aunt calling from Louisiana wanted to talk to her on the phone. Pamela was using her iPod Touch and said to me, "I'm not available." I love how she used this new understanding for her own benefit. Smart girl!

Last night, I walked into the TV room. She was sitting on the couch, looking at a book, and listening to Bach, instead of being glued to the television or computer. I think it is wonderful that she lives in such a large room:

Children make large demands upon us. We owe it to them to initiate an immense number of interests. "Thou hast set my feet in a large room," should be the glad cry of every intelligent soul. Life should be all living, and not merely a tedious passing of time; not all doing or all feeling or all thinking––the strain would be too great––but, all living; that is to say, we should be in touch wherever we go, whatever we hear, whatever we see, with some manner of vital interest. We cannot give the children these interests; we prefer that they should never say they have learned botany or conchology, geology or astronomy. The question is not,––how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education––but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him? (School Education, pages 170 through 171)

And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: thou hast set my feet in a large room. Psalm 31:8

Wordless Wednesday: The Principal Drops In for the Day

Stopping and Smelling the Coffee . . .

When you are facing that marathon called autism, sometimes you need to stop and smell the coffee (I have a black thumb, so roses are out!). With all the depressing news out there, stories like the Thai fireman dressed in a Spiderman costume to rescue an autistic boy stuck in a balcony add a bounce to my step! BRILLIANT MAN! Or, what about an old story that never made front-page news: the nine-year-old boy in the U.K. whose mother passed out while driving 70 mph who managed to drive the car to safety? He even had enough wits to turn on the hazard lights. Way to go, Jonathan! This week, a just-released, follow-up study on children with the autism diagnosis in Utah twenty-years ago found that almost half have a good or better outcome ["good" defined as "a generally high level of independence at work and in daily life, requiring some extra support, and a friendship or some acquaintances"]. While they observed that "daily independence" (an area in which Pamela excels) trumps IQ when it comes to outcome, the researchers have no idea what made the difference. They need to do more research to identify what services and issues affected the social outcomes of adults diagnosed with autism. They plan to follow up the entire sample of 241 adults. We have been working very hard on helping Pamela with her anxiety, and it's a good thing! Sixty percent of the participants had anxiety and mood disorders. This article affirms that we are on the right track in working on dynamic thinking skills, which lead to greater daily independence and more fulfilling social relationships.

Sweet Moments
This week Pamela gave me some moments of joy that reveal what started to happen when we slowed down, worked on non-verbals, and spoke with declarative language a la RDI. Last Monday, she turned twenty, but we postponed her party until tonight when my sister arrives in town. That morning, I woke up before Pamela did--a rare event. When she sat next to me on the couch, I wished her happy birthday and kissed her on the hand. For the first time ever, she said, "Ew! I don't like kisses! Yuck!" Instead of feeling insulted, I was glad she expressed how she felt in an honest and clear way! That night, I held her hand and asked, "Are kisses on the hand still yucky?" She smiled and said, "No, kisses are beautiful!" So, I kissed her on the hand! Now, how sweet is that?

Later that afternoon, we were sitting on the rocking chairs working. Pamela lightly ran her finger on my arm in a way that made me feel jumpy. I said, "Ew! That feels weird." I looked at her and laughed, so she knew I was not upset. Then, Pamela grinned at me, said, "Bee!!!" and started to pretend to sting me. I played along with her and said in a high-pitched voice, "Ouch! I'm stung! That hurts!!!!"

Borrowing Perspective
Pamela has learned a great deal about social referencing in the past two years, something she did not do very well for the first eighteen years of her life. One RDI consultant described it in this way:

Neurotypical children are constantly borrowing their caregivers perspective to make sense of new things. They reference their caregivers to determine if a new toy, person or environment is safe or unsafe, etc. Neurotypical children make sense of the world around them through the use of this relationship.

Last night, Pamela joined David and I for our church's Wednesday night fellowship. I brought gf/cf fried rice for her and she sat with me and some friends. While we were eating, someone was announcing the quarterly birthday party for the residents of a independent-living home. The lady explained there will be cake and ice cream, but no presents. Typically, Pamela internalizes "no presents" immediately in light of her pending birthday party and overreacts with mild anxiety. Instead, her ears perked up, she looked at me, and asked, "What about presents?" Then, I explained to her, "The church is having a party for some adults. They are not getting presents. You are having your birthday party on Thursday and you WILL open presents." She said, "Good" and went back to her fried rice. By borrowing my perspective to interpret what the lady said, Pamela remained calm.

While the pastor said a short prayer to bless the food, Pamela dug into her dinner. I whispered, "Pamela," and then pointed to all of the people in the room. She realized they were praying and then I caught her attention, clasped my hands, and looked down. She clasped her hands in respect but could not resist looking around the room to watch people pray. I loved that she responded to my guiding her nonverbally and referenced what other people were doing.

After she finished eating, Pamela sat on the floor against the wall with her journal. She verbally stimmed quietly, but I did not want her to frustrate people with hearing aids. While the pastor said a rather long prayer for the people with prayer requests, missionaries, and other special needs, I quietly walked over to Pamela and sat down. This time, I did something different. I put my finger to my mouth and pointed to the other people in the room. She realized they were praying and again became quiet. She spent the rest of the time during our Bible study, filling out more pages in the nth version of her autobiography.

Coping with a MESSIER WORLD
Yesterday was a hectic day for us. We always pick up lunch or dinner for her at the drive-thru on Wednesdays. She usually chooses a different restaurant in advance, so this time, we headed to McDonald's. I was running late for a dentist appointment, and, when I saw the long string of cars, I silently worried about being REALLY late. Pamela noticed the line too and very calmly said, "Changed my mind. I want Hardees." Yippee!!!!!! No fuss, no tears, no drama!!!!!

This flexibility and resilience in the face of change has not happened in a vacuum. Lately, whenever something is different, Pamela tells us about it. Steve drove home with a loaner on Monday since his car is in the shop. We have three cars: red, black, and gray. Pamela saw the gray loaner, laughed and said, "Two gray cars! Different one." When she decides to do something different, like stay home while I shop, she announces, "Pamela stays home. Different one!" Sometimes, she walks into a room backwards and says, "I'm going backwards! Different!" With her eye for pattern, she has always noticed differences, but now she is able to embrace them, even when that means a sudden and unexpected change about something important to her.

While we are still working through her anxiety over Steve's schedule, she continues to have milder and shorter outbursts when Steve goes to work late (usually because he gets tied up in phone calls or urgent emails before he can slip out of the house). Last Tuesday, we went to co-op, arrived home at about 11:30, and spotted Steve in the driveway, starting to back out. I laughed and passed it off lightly like we caught him doing something naughty. "Look at Dad. He is so busted! He is late for work . . ." Pamela caught my silly spirit and giggled. Steve waved to her sheepishly as our cars passed each other. She smiled and waved back.

This morning, I was cleaning the "office" where Pamela was watching television. I was dusting behind the television stand and accidentally turned off the power strip. I immediately told her, "Uh, oh! I turned off the switch. I'm sorry! It's okay! I just turned it back on!" Pamela was cool as can be. She turned on the television and cable box. Even when she saw the "No video input" alert flashing on the television, she looked down at the cable box and said, "Booting up!" It took a good ten minutes for the cable to reboot and Pamela spent that time calmly writing in her journal! Again, no fuss, no tears, no drama!

I Was Blind But Now I See

Happy Year of the Ox, Common Year Starting on Thursday (what Pamela calls today)!

I went to bed last night praying about the food fight between Time Warner Cable and Viacom. Yes, praying! Can you imagine how early in the morning Pamela would have woken us up if Noggin and Nickelodeon were not on the air? I came downstairs at about eight in the morning and spotted her happily watching Blues Clues. She had no idea of the bullet we all dodged. Ignorance is truly bliss. I smiled and told her, "Pamela, prayer works!" She had no clue about what I was saying, and I gladly left her in ignorance . . .

Today, I saw Pamela playing with a white handkerchief. In this photograph, she had wrapped up some plastic toys in it and shook it to hear the sound. The video below shows the other things she did with it, including pretending to be a blind person who was quickly healed.


This week, several things happened that have confirmed Pamela on making progress through RDI.

• Two elementary-school aged boys hang out at our house whenever they visit their grandmother. Today, they suddenly made comments about Pamela out of the blue:
  
  "Miss Tammy. Pamela's not as shy as she was."
  
  "Yeah, she's more friendly now."
  
  "She never talked to us before, but now she does."
• Last night, we hung out at my parent's house. A couple there had not seen Pamela since last February. After Pamela and Steve went home (they are the early birds in the family), the wife told me that she could see definite progress in how Pamela related to us.
• Two days ago, my neighbors and I fell into a conversation. Pamela came up to me to ask where Steve was (he was making his visitation rounds in the neighborhood). During the course of this conversation, Pamela did things like pay attention to my face, shift attention from me to the neighbors when they spoke, nodded and pointed, followed my eye gaze and point, hugged them good-bye, etc. They were very impressed by everything Pamela was able to do spontaneously without an adult prompting her.

Lately, we are seeing things that make me think of a three-year-old:

• Pamela never went through the "why" phase of development. I have been waiting for sixteen years to hear questions like "why" and "how come"! When I ask her why, I crack up when she says, "Because I said so!" While most parents are annoyed by this, especially getting questioned after telling a child "no", I feel like cracking open a bottle of champagne every time I hear those magical words . . .
• Pamela wants to share things with us. It is not enough to discover something (like magic) or be healed from blindness, she has to share it with us. Even if I am in another room, she will find me and say, "I did it." And, many times when I ask what she did, Pamela is able to explain it to me . . . more champagne moments (and I bet I drink less than a bottle of any form of alcohol a year).
• Pamela is much more able to have impromptu, spontaneous conversations without me acting as a translator. Often, I can step back and let her do what she knows to do with minimal explanation.
• Pamela thinks of her babies as members of the family. The only gifts she requested for herself were presents for her baby: a Loonette doll (from The Big Comfy Couch) for Baby Alive and a Duplo Thomas Starter Set for Baby David. Pamela sprung this on me before Christmas but the doll is hard to snag and I finally won an auction right before Christimas. The Duplo set is out of stock and will not arrive for a few weeks. Pamela was delighted that we ordered them and is patiently waiting for the surprises for her babies to arrive in the mail!

Breathtaking!

Pamela surprised me today several times in very promising ways:

1. Pamela is loosening up on the "sacred hour" which has been an institution around here since before we started RDI. She used to be quite adamant about watching television between noon and one, kicking David out for the duration. She only allowed exceptions for travel and for expected appointments away from home. I have noticed her loosening up on the sacred hour for the past two weeks. Today, David called me and said, "Mom! Look at the time." It was 12:25 and Pamela was soaking up rays on the back porch.

A few minutes later, Pamela happily checks to see if we have GF/CF chicken broth so she can make alphabet soup when we get back from shopping.

2. We drove to Walmart and picked up a couple of things. My mind was on all the things I had to get done today and it was Pamela who pointed out some girls' underwear with Sponge Bob, Dora, the Little Mermaid, etc. Although it was a short interaction, I felt she was truly sharing joint attention with me. Later, we looked at the books and she pointed out different picture books to me.

3. Then, a mini-miracle happened. We were heading over to the self-checkout and bumped into a kindly lady I know from church. Pamela has been staying home from church, and I am hoping she will choose to go with us one of these days. She had not seen this lady in ages, so I introduced her as J.B.'s mom (J.B. rented a house to us for 18 months and Pamela knows his name and who he is, so this was my way of scaffolding interest). The lady said, "Hi, Pamela, I’m N."

Pamela smiled and said, "Where are you from?"

N. needed me to repeat Pamela's question and said in a very engaging way, "Why, I'm from Manning, just like you." She patted Pamela on the arm.

Then, Pamela said, "I was born in Alaska."

"Alaska? It's so cold in Alaska."

"Yes. Where's David?"

I told N. that David was at home. Then she said, "Was David bad?"

Pamela shook her head and said, "No. David's not bad." Pamela likes to cheer people up after an argument (which we did not have with David today), so she gave me a hug.

Then, N. said, "Why Pamela, I just love hugs!"

And, Pamela hugged her. Pamela asked to go sit on the bench and I agreed. N. told her goodbye and Pamela waved to her!

4. And, if that wasn't enough, Pamela had brought a thick stack of old photographs in the car. While I was driving, she would make comments. Usually, she talks about the state, time zone, and/or Chinese astrological sign for the year the picture was taken. Today, she made very declarative comments with very little of the static.

She looked at a picture of a bunch of us midshipmen jumping into the pool with full dress uniform. Pamela said, "Swimming pool." So, I said, "Did you see what we were wearing?" She laughed and said, "Yes, clothes!" (I am one of the people in the blur . . . after the final parade before graduation, we all jump in a pool to celebrate because we no longer need those uniforms . . . crazy tradition, huh?)


Pamela was very fascinated by a picture of Hawaiians standing on boats at the Polynesian Culture Center in Hawaii. She said, "Boats." I told her that her dad took Grandma and Grandpa there when he lived in Hawaii. (This was before he and I met!)

She showed me another picture from the same place. I told her that Lisa met her husband Johnny at the center when he worked there. Last summer, we met Johnny and their beautiful daughter Leilani for the first time. (Lisa and I met in high school in Newfoundland.)

She showed me a picture of Steve boogie-boarding in Hawaii. She asked me, "Where's that?" because she truly did not know. I told her that her dad was at a beach in Maui, Hawaii. She did mention Hawaii Standard Time, but then asked for the city. I told her, "I don't know!"

She asked where this picture of Steve and I near a flooded swing-set. I asked, "Where do you think?" She said, "Sand Point." I said, "No." Then, she realized it was another island with tundra, "Adak, where you were born!" Again, she did not know the location of this shot.

She looked at this baby picture of herself and said, "Eating food." I said, "Yeah, you made a mess!" (Wasn't she a cutie?????? I can tell this was taken in December because four red advent candles are in the forefront!)

Then, she looked at this picture of Steve's parents' house in Louisiana. I know she remembers the house, but there was snow on the ground. She asked, "Where's the house?" I said, "In Louisiana. In 1989 Grandma and Grandpa had a crazy snowstorm." She smiled and said, "Uh-oh!" I laughed and said, "Yeah, God sent a big surprise."

Pamela saw this picture of her aunt and herself near a pool. Pamela said, "That's Florida." I said, "Yes, that was Aunt Essie's house. She’s in heaven." (I took this picture when Pamela was fifteen months old. When we got home, we took her to that fateful vaccination (MMR and DPT on the same day). What a mistake! She was already having health problems with never ending diaper rashes and ear infections. Her illnesses and autism ramped up after this!)

She showed me this picture from Disneyland and said, "Rocket!" I replied, "That's when we took you to Disneyland!" (We visited my sister in San Diego and hit Disneyland on the way back. We had just started the process of getting Pamela evaluated. We did our best to fake enjoying the trip for Pamela's sake. How could she notice our heartbreak?)


She showed this picture from Germany, "It's a church!" I replied, "That's when we saw Oma and Opa in Germany." (Pamela was four on this trip. She was afraid of Mom's canary and hid behind the couch a lot. She did well on the trip except the jetway terrified her and the people smoking after dinner triggered an allergic reaction in her. David was a baby, and his great Oma just loved him because he would play with the ball of yarn sitting in the basket!)


Then, she held this picture of David and her in the plastic pool. She pointed, "David's in the pool." I said, "Oh, yes, you were playing." Then she said, "Ariel." I said, "David was so cute." She pointed to his shirt and said, "Baloo!" (Pamela attended special education classes in the local public school. Steve and I were on active duty in the Navy.)

She saw this picture of her on a slide and said, "Florida!" I said, "Yes, that's when we moved to Connecticut!" (We visited my sister in Florida on our way to Connecticut. Both kids enjoyed playing with their cousins, who are about the same age as my kids.)

She looked at a picture of her and David on farm and asked, "Where's that?" I replied, "Allentown, near Philadelphia." Then she said, "Five more states" because she realized it was during our move to Connecticut in 1995 after Steve and I left the Navy and began homeschooling.

Then, she saw a picture of David at a playground. She said, "David's sliding!" I said, "That looks like fun!" She said, "Just like gravity!" (Pennsylvania had several wonderful playgrounds, and we had a pool, swingset, and climbing trees--a kid's paradise. They spent many happy hours playing in our backyard.)

She commented on this shot of the kids doing a homeschool Christmas program. Pamela said, "David's signing 'Silent Night!'" I said, "He did such a great job!" (We attended a fantastic co-op in Pennsylvania. The kids loved going to classes and all of the field trips and other activities. It was a blast!)

She showed me this mystery road and asked, "Where's the road?" I told her I didn't know but said the date was August 2001. Then, she told me, "That’s Alaska!"

I felt like this conversation was much closer to the joint attention we are seeking because many of her comments were declarative. When she did ask, she truly did not know or was confused. When I did answer with the name of the state, Pamela did not fall into her typical patterns (state, time zone, Chinese astrological year). She did not ask me to tell her what she already knew in a static conversation. She made different comments based upon the pictures themselves.

Do You See What I See?

We agree with our RDI consultant that Pamela's expressive imperative and declarative gestures are going to be a long-term project, so we are now working on a new objective in addition to spotlighting gestures during our daily activities. We picked something that I think Pamela can pick up quickly: my consultant always asks me to chose a simple phrase to help me be mindful and mine is Do You See What I See?

Simply put, when Pamela wants to point something out to me like a toy at the store or the truck that went off the side of the road, she needs to make sure that I am looking in the right direction! She needs to stay calm and help me redirect my focus until I am turning my attention to the same thing as her. I will work on this by looking in the right direction some times, but not all of the time. She can redirect me in many ways: pointing, bring something closer, turning it around, telling me which way to look, etc.).

If you have no clue what in the world RDI is, Laurel, a parent and RDI consultant, just launched a new blog explaining what RDI is and how to get started.

Before I update you on the baby blanket bonanza, I have two SWEET stories to share, which show the kind of progress Pamela is making in being flexible and rolling with the punches of life!

Story A - On Monday, Steve was packing for a business trip to Chile. Usually we speak in code because only Knoxville is an acceptable trip in Pamela's mind. So, we say The People's Republic of Knoxville (for trips to China) and Knoxville, SA (for trips to South America). Pamela walked in the room and asked Steve where he was going. He slipped and told her Chile. She did not freak out. It is the first time in ages she did not freak out. Then she sat on the bed and said, "I miss you!" Tissues please!!!!

Story B - Pamela has a thing about watching TV at noon until exactly one o'clock on school days. It's her little routine. Well, we dropped Steve off at the airport yesterday and took the dog to the vet, so she missed her nooner. Normally, she accepts that. But, today, time got away from me and she wanted to go shopping with me. Missing her noon date was completely unplanned on my part and unpredictable. We left the house at 11:53, and Pamela told me very calmly that tomorrow she would watch television at noon. David and I looked at each other in surprise because normally I try to shop at eleven, so we can be home by noon (or rush, rush, rush) to avoid a mini-meltdown.

I should be able to finish my blanket tomorrow. I crocheted it for my grand niece, precious baby Ines, who made her debut ten days ago, one month early, and is doing wonderfully.

I must confess a deep dark secret. I am the anti-Martha-Stewart, and my careless, flippant handling of crafts nearly botched up Pamela's Little Mermaid blanket for baby Ines. I nearly coughed up a hair ball when I noticed the fourth side of the blanket did not line up one bit! Today, I finally faced my mistakes and spent an hour rescuing the blanket, which did survive Tornado Tammy.

Here are my lessons learned:

• Use the big picnic table outside because the kitchen table is too small, and I wouldn't want to scratch up the dining room table or hardwood floors.
• Do not try to mix one knot tying technique with another. It seems I wanted to tie overhand knots like the former (which require five-inch strips) but only made strips long enough for the latter.
• If there is a video, watch the whole thing! Spending three minutes on the video last week would have saved me an hour of sweat today!
• Try to do all the cutting in one shot. Do not take it apart out of curiosity or leave it laying around all weekend and shoved into a drawer before company comes.
• If the instructions say, "Cut all four corners first," then CUT ALL FOUR CORNERS FIRST YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!
• If you have to go back and recut everything, tie a few knots here and there to keep it all anchored.

Meals on Wheels

I don't like to assign my kids busywork, but I noticed Pamela showed a sudden interest in crossword puzzles. She got this booklet with a kids meal from a fast-food restaurant and filled out the crossword puzzle about the planets, all by herself. Since we are in are last week studying chipmunks, I thought it would be fun to make a crossword puzzle (thank you, Online Crossword Puzzle Maker) with all of the vocabulary words in the back of the book. And, it's a good thing I did!

I was just finishing up typing Pamela's association method sheets when my dad (who lives across the street) showed up and reminded me that I was going to help him with meals on wheels at ten! It was 9:14--and I was still in my pajamas and had not eaten any breakfast. I quickly got dressed and ate (in a flash, thanks to my training at the boat school). I threw together some independent work for Pamela to do: copywork, the crossword puzzle, and her association method sheets! Dad and I spent an hour and a half on the route and, when I arrived home, Pamela had finished them all!



Speaking of meals on wheels, we signed up to fill in from time to time and the kids and I will be delivering meals one day near the end of the month. When I got home, I made up a map so that David can help me navigate (Pamela is so good with directions, she will assume that role down the road). Pamela's role will be to hand David milk and salad, and David will be take the hot tray, milk, and salad to the door. I will be the supervisor and driving. I am thinking that, down the road, Pamela could reach the point where she and I could take the food to the door. In two years, David will be in college, so we have plenty of time for her to learn the more challenging role.

I got my wheels turning on another short term project for Pamela: no-sew, tied, fleece, reversible blankets. I think it would be neat for her to make blankets for her babies, now that winter is almost here. Then, she could also make a larger blanket for one cousin who is due in November and another cousin due in May. I am already crocheting a blanket for each--one is pictured left--but I think Pamela could master this. If you do an image search online, you can find some neat pictures and instructions on the basic blanket and variations. I have a friend who does monograms, and I think it would be awesome to have a monogram of the baby's name sewed in first!

Oh, I wanted to share the cheap books I scored at last week's used library book sale: fifteen books, many of which are classics, for only $13. YES! That is a better deal than Paperbackswap! And, if that is not random enough for you, here are some pictures of Steve (our resident drummer), our two dogs, Lovely Loa and the Arwenator, and David, who's assist tonight helped his team score!

Why Not?

When did your children start asking why? Pamela has not quite reached the stage of asking why questions, but she is starting with "Why not?" Today, during math, I decided to review adding and subtracting fractions because we have been working so hard on multiplying and decided. She excelled at everything except when she had to borrow for subtraction. She fell back on carrying the one as a ten, not as the fraction indicated by the denominator.

First, I tried showing the chain of logic involved and ask Pamela along the way what I should write next. She had a very hard time and clearly had forgotten the concrete meaning of these steps.

Second, I tried drawing pictures but the steps were not clear-cut enough to demonstrate the chain of logic. Pamela has a very sequential, organized mind, and I knew this was within reach. But, she told me, "It's too hard!"

Third, I tried color-coding, pink for whole and green for fraction. I would do the color-coded diagram, two pink boxes for whole and 3/4 for fraction, and she would have to tell me what to write, 2 + 3/4. Then, I would make the next set, one pink box for whole and one green box and 3/4 for fraction, and she would have to tell me what to write, 1 + 1 + 3/4. Then, I would make the next set, one pink box for whole and 4/4 and 3/4 for fraction, and she would have to tell me what to write, 1 + 4/4 + 3/4. I had to give Pamela lots and lots of guidance. I even wrote the numbers in pink and green. She improved a little bit on the second problem, but not much!

By the second sheet, I continued to ask her as we went along because I was trying to figure out if she understood. Everytime, I had to correct her, she would ask in a semi-whiny voice, "Why not?" I was so glad that she asked that question because usually she just gets fussy or argues. But, this time, she asked why! Suddenly, something clicked. I can always tell because she starts to giggle and flash a smile. I can almost see the light bulb flick on in a cartoon buble over her head. She did the last two problems without help or correction. I like to end on a positive, so we will see what she remembers tomorrow.

Pamela decided to hang up this Bronco calender in the kitchen. Her Uncle Randy would be proud!

Leap Year: Then and Now

Pamela has been anticipating today for a very long time. Not long after the last February 29 (in 2004), Pamela fell in love with calendars. Her interest started with figuring out Roman numerals because movie credits always list the year that way. How did she figure it out? She googled it, of course! Before long, Pamela began googling calendars and became interested in the fourteen kinds of calendars: seven common years and seven leap years, each starting on a different day of the week. Then, she began googling the Chinese astrological signs and memorized the years that go with the twelve animals. She often carries around a Beanie Babie rat because 2008 is the year of the rat!

Then, I began thinking about how far Pamela has come since the last leap year!

• In 2004, Pamela was working her way through Making Math Meaningful Level 3, and now she is halfway through Level 6. I recently discovered she can multiply a single-digit times a double digit in her head.
  
• We did nature studies by watching the birds and animals at a local lake in Minnesota and now we watch critters in our backyard here in Carolina.
  
• In 2004, we were heavily involved in a wonderful homeschooling co-op, but I floundered how to implement Navigating the Social World, which was too behavioristic for our needs. Today, we have been happily making strides in applying a lone ranger version of Relationship Development Intervention.
  
• In 2004, we were stalled in our program for language therapy because the computer died and were still practicing the repetitive sentences and questions (page 9), which was at the beginning of the second unit of language. Pamela had learned (in a nutshell, six basic sentences and questions with no action verbs). Now, we are at the beginning of the third unit of language and Pamela can communicate her thoughts very well!
  
• Most conversations centered around very repetitive, high-interest topics in 2004. Now, Pamela still falls back on old favorites but can also converse about a variety of things.
  
  Sample Conversation from 2004
  Pamela: What does Lady have?
  Me: Lady has some spaghetti. What does Tramp have?
  Pamela: Tramp has some water. Where is Tramp?
  Me: Tramp is at Lady's house. What color collar does Tramp have?
  Pamela: Tramp has a red collar.
  
  Sample Conversation from Today
  Me: "What are we celebrating today?"
  Pamela: "Today we are celebrating leap year."
  Me: "What are we going to do?"
  Pamela: "We are going to a Mexican restaurant in Sumter."
  Me: "How many people are going?"
  Pamela: "Five people are going because Baby Alive is coming."
  
  Pardon the quick rabbit trail, but this picture of Baby Alive and Tiptoe shows off a BEAUTIFUL dress that a fellow RDI/CM friend and blogger gave to Pamela for Valentine's Day. Penny's very talented mother sewed this adorable dress! Pamela did some Snoopy dancing and victory lapping when she opened the envelope with this dress.
  
• Pamela kept a journal in which she used very simple, repetitive language in 2004. She made many grammatical and syntactical errors in her writing. To show the difference in her writing, I went through her old journal and discovered something startling! Unbeknownst to me, she has gone back through her old journal to make corrections! Talk about owning your learning!
  This example shows how much Pamela has progressed in personal pronouns. When speaking, she occasionally talks in the third person--she always talked in the third person back in 2004. Notice how she corrected "We" to "I" because the card game she is talking about is Solitaire on her Dad's work laptop! If you click the picture, you will see a larger version and should see other corrections she has made to the original.You can see how Pamela inserted missing words with proper editing marks! I also see signs of erasing.Pamela made major revisions here--look carefully for the gray smudges. She fixed everything from past tense to noun-verb agreement, incorrect pronouns to spelling errors.
  
• In 2004, Pamela could not do typed narrations of a book one chapter at a time. I will close with what she wrote about Chapter 2 of Miracles on Maple Hill. I made no corrections, so this piece, written at a fourth grade level, is pure Pamela:
  

Mr. Chris is wearing some overalls, pants, and, sweater. He is riding an orange tractor. Mrs Chris is wearing a white apron and the shoes. She has a house. The house has some trees, grass, mailbox, front porch, and porch. Marley has a broken car. Mr. Chris sees an orange tractor. Mr. Chris and Marley are driving an orange tractor. They feel happy. They are eating and washing. Marly, Mr. Chris, Mrs Chris, and Joe are in the kitchen. They are eating some food. They are washing some dishes. Sugar camp has some syrups, trees, snow, and cabins. Mr. Chris is going to sugar camp. Marly is going to Grandma’s house. Marly sees Grandma’s house. The house looks old. Marly feels sad. Marley is going home. They feel happy. Grandma’s house has some trees, grass, broken porch, and small house.