Movie Review: Adam

Disappointing!

I wanted to like Adam so much, and for the first half of the movie, it charmed me. Hugh Dancy did a phenomenal job of portraying Asperger's Syndrome: his shyness, his love of talking about his favorite topic (space), his inattention to the needs of people, his loneliness, his desire for companionship, etc. I "bought" into his character as real and authentic, even though one Aspie bluntly told him his was "competent"! That is what we love about our spectrum kiddos: they are quite truthful. Painful doctors of the unvarnished truth. I also liked seeing him grow and learn to be his own person, especially after having lived with his father for so many years. I loved how he found the right job that suited his strengths.

His love interest, Beth, was trying to help him get a job. His father, who had recently died, greased the skids for the last job. On paper, Adam looked great--a whiz kid. His difficulty in social situations typically became apparent during the interview process. Beth gave him a book on Asperger's and employment and Adam read it faithfully from cover to cover. They even practiced doing interviews so that Adam could feel more competent. All of that is well and good.

One moment broke my heart. It wasn't the obligatory bedroom scene that every romantic comedy must have and thankfully was mild, but gratuitous. It wasn't the two women who adopted a baby girl from China that gave the movie the politically correct stamp of approval. In case you doubt me, I dare you to read Under the Tuscan Sun and then see the movie without coming to the same conclusion. Both movies incorporated both formulas and ticked me off royally. Speaking of which, I hope The Young Victoria, which just arrived from Netflix, doesn't fall into the same mindless trap to widen its appeal. Does Hollyweird underestimate our intelligences that much? Uh, yes. Have you watched television lately?

What broke my heart was when Adam read that most Aspies get around eye contact, which we "evil" neurotypicals demand, by looking at a person's forehead. Do Aspies do this in reality? Yes. In fact, I do this sometimes. When I sing at a funeral, I look at the tops of peoples' heads, even if they are total strangers, because I will fall apart if I see someone tear up. What saddened me is that people completely miss the point of eye contact, which is really a terrible word for what it really is.

We call it social referencing, more than eyeballing someone to death. It means looking to another person for their perspective in unclear situations and interpreting their nonverbal and verbal communication. Even children as young as one year old can do this as evidenced in the classic visual cliff experiment. Even though these babies cannot say one word, they will study, literally study, their parent's facial expression.

While I am not saying all people in the spectrum can master this skill, I know for a fact that at least one has. In fact, Pamela was only a couple of years younger than Adam when she learned to do this. It broke my heart that trying to teach this pivotal skill wasn't even considered as possible.

Pamela's Babysitting Job

Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) cleared up a mystery I have been thinking through for a long time. Even though Pamela is physically 19 years old, academically doing 5th to 6th grade level work, and speaking at an early elementary level, she still enjoys watching PBS children's programming and Nickelodeon. She plays with stuffed animals, Barbies, and baby dolls. According to our consultant, Pamela's relationship skills are similar to that of a toddler, which gives me permission to stop worrying about her immature play skills. For example, Pamela's tia (aunt) from El Salvador is visiting us and wanted to buy her some books. Pamela chose Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Very Busy Spider, which is way below her actual reading level. Since her choice makes sense emotionally, I saw nothing wrong.

Yesterday, her tia wanted to buy a toy for Pamela and I used the opportunity to film how well Pamela does with orienting to me. Shopping at the very noisy Wal-Mart would test her to the maximum between sensory overload and the excitement of picking out a new toy. Pamela and I interacted very nicely, all things considered.


Pamela has two baby dolls now and she thinks our family-size has increased from four to six! She calls herself a "big girl"--too young to be the mother of the babies. So, when she decided to bring the babies on a trip to a peach orchard and topiary garden (to be blogged another day), she thought of her role as the babysitter. Because the weather is hot, she stripped them down to diapers so they would be more comfortable. The oldest one is Baby Alive, but she named the little brother Baby David (after her brother). Even though the new baby came wrapped in a pink robe, she thinks he looks like David when he was a baby.

Patty (Pamela's tia, or aunt) visited us last year for three weeks about a month after we began incorporating RDI into our life. She has noticed many wonderful changes in Pamela. Her face is more expressive, and she tunes into conversations much more. Today, in the car, Patty was trying to teach David to roll his r's and they were practicing saying that troublesome letter. They went through a series of words like carro, perro, and burrito. Patty was trying get David to emphasize the r in burrito and, suddenly and very dramatically, Pamela yelled out, "BURRITO!" She had us all in stitches!

Pamela spends less time pacing, hidden in her room watching television, playing on the computer, or watching television. She transitions to one self-selected entertainment choice to another rather than being stuck in one mode of play for long periods of time. She seeks being around us more than she did in Patty's last visit. Pamela is much more able to have back and forth conversations with Patty. She seems much calmer and more relaxed, less frustrated, and more able to handle change. She talks more spontaneously and less rigidly than last year, too.

A friend of Patty's joined her on this trip to the States, and Pamela has never met him. He said today that they had a little conversation at the book store and he noticed how she imitated his volume. If he spoke loudly, she did; when he whispered, she whispered. Patty noticed how Pamela will whisper to herself quite often, and I had not really paid attention to it. I may need to go reread my posts on the development of private speech.

Here are Pamela and her tia Patty giving kisses to the baby and a wonderful exchange they had in a very loud peach packing plant. I will share footage later when I have time to edit.