What Do You Do with Criticism?

During a state conference, when I began working with Ellen Weber, someone asked a question that I perceived totally "put down" brain research. Ever experience that?

My defense quickly emerged. I explained findings that defended why Mita brainpowered strategies work. Since this was my first time to receive critique during a presentation, I did not realize the more I defended, the more my critic chimed up to prove the opposite.

Though one woman in an audience of fifty people, she was able to divert the attention of all, as we were ten minutes into the program. But once launching this defense, Ellen soon diverted everyone's attention by asking a question that roused curiosity. We were back on track.  As a result I began to reflect and change my approaches to critique.

This was an early and necessary lesson as I began the Mita work to facilitate change of long established methodologies by innovating effective solutions with the brain in mind. If you are an innovator, you soon learn how to deal with making mistakes related to critique.

"We don't want people to tell us something negative," Karen Wright declares, "unless we ask for it and are ready to hear it. And defensiveness is a natural first response. If you're on the receiving end, take a deep breath." Our strong reactions to negative feedback connect tightly to the way our brains work.

Interestingly, the human brain processes positive and negative data in different circuits. And, negative tracks are hypersensitive compared to positive ones, according to John Cacioppo, neuroscientist at University of Chicago. And, bullying happens, but in today's world where it may threaten your standing, "it is far easier to use feedback," Scott Young at Lifehacker advises, "instead of automatically assuming it is a personal attack." No wonder my initial reaction was to defend, since I sacrificed to help Ellen get Mita Leadership launched well. In my mind, the woman's words were a "put-down" to all I stood for.

Learning to orchestrate well!

The trick is to learn strategies to effectively deal with initial critique:

1. Separate yourself from emotions "Whether you are with someone you love, hate, know little or just met," Bala says, "in the first moments when you realize that you are being criticized you will react the same. Your heart beats faster, skin temperature goes down and you even lose peripheral vision. Because you feel under attack, your first instincts are to focus on that feeling, making it more intense. You will then feel like withdrawing or retaliating. Just remember that both instinctual responses are akin to saying, I don't like your comments therefore I will give you more power. Attempt to do neither as both fight or flight responses leave you with fewer options, not more."
   Imagine a triangle of three contenders, the critiquer, yourself and the topic of criticism. In your mind's eye see both yourself and the critiquer staring at the criticism to solve together, rather than using sharp points to take each other out.
2. Thank the person for the comment This can be disarming.  It takes away the need for one person "to be right."  It gives you the presence of mind to move ahead.
3. Ask a two-footed question that leads to exploration of other possibilities.  You might start in this way... "What ideas have you used in past to overcome...?"  "What has worked for colleagues who faced the issue of...?"  
4. Take it as advice and learn from it.  Though it may have seemed negative initially, what can you learn that might assist in improvements?
5. Ignore it.  Take space to consider it later.  
6. Offer to answer later  Often, a criticizer will have more important things to do later and will not take the time.  If genuine and she wants to help, then ask questions that bring more understanding.  If meant to diminish, the critiquer lost an audience and will merely leave.
7. Let go of it If you linger on negatives, you give your brain a message that you don't have what it takes to accomplish your goals.  The more you let that notion fester, the worse it becomes in your mind.  Instead, let it go as soon as possible and concentrate on new strategies to overcome future darts that may come your way.

These strategies work.  One of the brilliant things about Ellen Weber is that she welcomed me as a collaborator not long after I started working with her, though I saw myself as unready.  That meant she was willing to let me make mistakes and grow into that "crown" she saw for me. There's no easy way around it - mistakes teach us more than our successes.

Truth is that I dwelt on my failure at that early conference for several days following. Though Ellen recaptured everyone's focus and made the most of time remaining, I felt horrible.  I grew new skills to learn from mistakes and change as a result of the incident. 

How are you equipped to handle criticism like a maestro and use it to your advantage?