Act Opposite to Feelings - Kindness Counts

Kindness is acknowledging the judgmental voice and dismissing it so to have an authentic, present conversation with a loved one [or colleague].  Kat Tansey

To do the opposite of what you're feeling goes against the grain especially when another person is set in her ways or he is mad at you.  Turning things upside down frequently involves going against common sense and your intuition all at once.

Hard...? You bet!

Doable?  It can be done...  because the brain holds plasticity and can rewire.  Good news is that fresh experiences lead to neuron growth even in maturity.  The brain rewires itself following such an experience. As you focus more on that disagreeable person's good qualities and act kindly, the more these actions are rewired into your brain's basal ganglia.

Ellen Weber suggests we need to snip our amygdala, when temper flares. 

Even today, you might feel the sting of words spoken by a trusted colleague, open a card from a family member and find any affection obvious from its absence, or encounter a person you care for who makes plans that deliberately exclude you. Each encounter that stings, rejects, criticizes, or diminishes you also locks steel jaws onto your amygdala. Luckily though, jaws that create intense emotional pain, can also become a trigger to snip your amygdala before you snipe back and intensify the damage. How so?

Rather than judge a culprit’s motives, regret your own weaknesses, or focus on deciphering what that person could be saying in meta-messages spoken, simply snip away. Sure, use good tone, and name the problem honestly rather than deny it exists, but then take mental scissors to snip your well being from any tethers to maligning words or thoughtless acts. The snipping leaves you mentally in a place to grow from the experience, or even offer an olive branch in response – rather than in a place of depression.

When someone nose dives into your well-being, it can cause pain in the chest.  But, showing simple acts of social kindness can blunt the brain’s response and lead pain to subside.  Act opposite that nudge to put out a person's lights and watch your own brain reignite.

Change begins within...  Kindness counts!

See the Big Picture to Empower Change

Frank Roche asks "What if Albert Einstein worked for you?" He was a genius and yet he had weaknesses. According to Frank's estimate, Einstein "wasn’t promotable, didn’t work well with others, and rarely shared credit with others." And, he'd never get a good performance review based on the list of faults Frank shares.

Like Einstein, each person has a dynamic mix of talents and weaknesses... some parts genius and even special needs...

So how do leaders avoid pitfalls Brad Shorr mentions when a manager shows strengths, yet postpones dealing with problems...

If we see a big big picture, our own solutions can generate change... and making solutions work - empowers... as we take charge of our total leadership. Surprise yourself as you answer these two-footed questions ...

How am I smart? Dr. Ellen Weber challenges folks to Reflect and you’ll see that you likely are well above average. Ask others and you’ll spot places that need your unique mix of intelligences – even those that remained hidden or unused because of flawed tests that failed to stir these up.

How do others see me? Figure out your blind spots on the Johari window and establish your growth tactics. And to make these more than good intentions, add new targets to your daily calendar.

How can resourceful questions change approaches? Wendy Piersall says we move ahead by asking resourceful questions of CEO's far in advance of performance reviews. If leaders ask unresourceful questions such as "What am I doing wrong?" they set themselves up for failure. A proactive leader might ask, "What do you see me creating for the new product promotion project as I manage the team?" A shift in beliefs about yourself leads the coin tossed to land on the winning side...

How do breakthroughs come? See if brain based beliefs in Dr. Ellen Weber's chart line up today with what you'd like to do differently tomorrow… Try one of the action plans ... and your brain will rewire itself to match your beliefs.... Then enjoy the growth that others will see….

How will ongoing reflection stir change? Steve Roessler offers ways to adjust and change as you reflect. Self-reflection brings "awareness, and the ensuing wisdom that emerges from discerning one's part in the process, relational connections, and even decisions about one's real capabilities and desires for future assignments and roles."

Steve says, "Contextual changes are about what one can become and contribute (future), and speak to the heart." Our hearts motivate...

Empower change that works for you!

What strategies would you add?

Getting By with Less Sleep?

Many leaders today brag that they get by with very little sleep. Sleeping less is a growing phenomenon... Interestingly, a fellow committee member volunteered to work on part of a project at 4:00 am because he's "awake" then. Do you find you're getting by with less sleep, too?

Sleep researchers continue to tell us that we need at least seven hours sleep for our brain's optimal biological and mental health. Is it your experience at the end of a day that your thinking cap's exhausted and needs some refreshing?

Chiara Cirelli, UW-Madison researcher, believes that when people sleep their brain synapses can downsize and prepare for the next day's round of learning and synaptic strengthening. Accordingly, "the human brain expends up to 80 percent of its energy on synaptic activity, constantly adding and strengthening connections in response to all kinds of stimulation."

Given that each of the millions of neurons in the human brain contains thousands of synapses, this energy expenditure "is huge and can't be sustained." No wonder we're tired at the end of each day!

Why is it then that many leaders consider it a badge of honor to get by with less sleep? Perhaps many are not... They're just not counting their cat naps throughout the day...

Many people fall asleep at computer monitors after lunch, in committee meetings and in the evening as they sit to watch the 6:00 news in their favorite recliner. Dr. David Dinges questions whether people are getting by with less and are "as prevalent as is claimed in society." Dinges believes that many people who say they are short sleepers are getting more sleep than they are willing to admit.

I don't know about you, but I really want to keep my brain running at peak performance for the next few years!

Thoughts...?

Photo Credit: Cynthia Johnson, Getty Images

What Causes People to Procrastinate, then Rush?

"What causes us to procrastinate, then rush," Frank Roche of KnowHR, asks. He'd like to sort out the ambiguity. No doubt he's seen every form of delaying tactics in the field of human resources. "Is this a brain-related issue," he wonders. "With all the GTD-related advice out there, it tells me that a lot of people are procrastinators...or they don't multitask well. Is procrastination hard wired?" Great questions, Frank, since procrastination increased 39% in the last 25 years...

Thanks for posing these for the Question Train Series.

Causes... Interestingly, Piers Steel of the University of Calgary just finished a 10 year study which concludes that temptation is one of the most pervasive causes of procrastination. When you stop to think there are so many fun activities available such as computer gaming, Internet messaging, which are just a click away at work. Add to that, TVs in every room, online video, Web-surfing, cellphones, video games, iPods and Blackberries.

Genes Play a Part Rewards and instant gratification highly affect procrastinators. In a study prepared by researchers, Liu, Richmond and Ginns of the National Intstitue of Health, found that dopamine, a brain chemical that functions as a neurotransmitter, suppresses a gene helps a circuit in the brain absorb the chemical messenger dopamine, which is involved in the brain's memory and reward system. Amazingly, they can turn monkeys into the kind of nonstop worker you are not likely to find in the next cubicle.

Dopamine has many functions in the brain, including important roles in behavior and cognition, motor activity, motivation and reward, sleep, mood, attention, and learning.

Without the dopamine receptor, the researchers found monkeys "consistently stayed on-task and made few errors, because they could no longer learn to use visual cues to predict how their work was going to get them a reward." The monkeys were like other primates, they're "in no hurry to do work any sooner than it needs to be done."

Procrastinators are made not born On the other hand, leading procrastination experts Joseph Ferrari, and Timorthy Pychyl note procrastination's due to upbringing...

Procrastination is learned in the family milieu, but not directly. It is one response to an authoritarian parenting style. Having a harsh, controlling father keeps children from developing the ability to regulate themselves, from internalizing their own intentions and then learning to act on them. Procrastination can even be a form of rebellion, one of the few forms available under such circumstances. What's more, under those household conditions, procrastinators turn more to friends than to parents for support, and their friends may reinforce procrastination because they tend to be tolerant of their excuses.

Why the rush? Most people are self-regulated and want to avoid the consequences. But there's more... some folks actually get a rush from putting things off and working fast at the last minute...

"On the one hand, procrastinators enjoy the pleasure that accompanies jittery nerves before a deadline," according to Ferrari, "but they also have less self-confidence than their peers." He notes that procrastinators may exert less effort because they want people to think that they're not trying rather than believe that they are incapable.

In experiments reported in the European Journal of Personality, procrastinators completed less of a task than nonprocrastinators when given a strict time limit, but fared almost as well with more time. Ferrari believes that this reflects scaled back efforts under pressure.

I can remember classmates in college telling me they actually get a rush from doing work at the last minute. We also see it on the job. Sadly, procrastinators do not perform at optimum... But there's hope.

Hard-wired? Since the human brain has amazing plasticity, it can be wired differently. But, it takes rewiring a lifetime of habits. Even procrastinators can rewire to work ahead, but it takes doing, doing, doing it over a period of time. The more we do something the more our brain rewires for that activity.

Ellen Weber claims human nature's lazy and requires rewiring...

What you do shapes the routines that define you as unique. Victims who see themselves as stuck in their problems, will stay stuck … because they will build victim routines into their basal ganglia daily. We each get hit with 22 stressors daily … and victims sink with these while high performance minds fight back.

Here’s how it works. Each time you set clear targets, and motivate yourself to follow through and do one concrete strategy to reach them, you set your “human nature” for example, to become more successful, alive and timely.

Thanks for such great questions! With procrastination on the increase, your work's cut out.. I'm wondering what strategies work best for you and others to avoid procrastinating?

The Art of Seeing You

Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?" George Bernard Shaw

Do you ask Why? more than Why Not? Perspective makes a difference. Your brain actually rewires for the things you focus on in a given day. So what you concentrate on at work, for instance, builds more dendrite brain cells for that thing. Consider examples of people who ask, Why?, related to others at work during the course of a typical day...

The manager, who thinks he knows it all... Why can't he see I'm smarter than he is and use different specifications for our project?

The CEO just gave herself another huge raise... Why can't she see I deserve a bonus, for my hard work over the last year?

Team mates didn't meet the deadline... Why can't I be on Mary and Joe's team? They don't argue all the time like jerks on my team who never listen to me and don't get things in when I ask...

What's your daily focus? You actually build dendrite brain cells that'll play back messages such as, they put the wrong person in as manager... others get the breaks...they always recognize John....

To bust barriers... start seeing you in a new light... It's more about changing me than changing others... Here's the way to launch...

Ask Why not? The art of seeing yourself as you want to be takes you beyond problems. That's why some folks get ahead when others go nowhere. When a crisis comes, people who still envision the person they want to be find solutions to bust barriers. They keep heart...

Last week I rented a movie that renewed inspiration - Invincible...

The Philadelphia Eagles had been the losingest team in the NFL. Coach Dick Vermeil decided to let some locals try out for the team...something unheard of... He might add one player to the roster. Critics and nay-sayers had a heyday with such a hairbrained scheme...

Here's the deal...30 year-old, Vince Papale, lost his job, couldn't pay rent and came home to find his house emptied and a note from his wife saying, "You're a loser." And, he thought he was...

However, football buddies, who played at night with car lights on in an inner city parking lot, encouraged Vince to try out for the Eagles. And, because of Vince's speed, moves and acumen on the field, Vermeil took a chance...gave Papale the nod to try... to prove he had the stuff to take the losing Eagles out of the cellar.

Here's what Papale faced...

• jealous players who didn't what him there
• people that told him he was too old
• digs and jibes
• second thoughts in his self-talk
• his wife's note telling him he was a loser

But, Vince leapt beyond this because he kept seeing himself playing in a major game wearing a Philadelphia Eagle jersey...

Not only did Vince Papale help the team win, but he eventually helped the team go to the Superbowl. He never went on to college, he was 30, people told him he was a loser, but, he kept seeing the person he wanted to be.

See a new you?...Why Not?

Find more quotes on wisdom such as Shaw's