The Children's Art

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Life has been too busy to blog, but today was one of those days that I had to share!

Last Tuesday, our Charlotte Mason study group discussed some of the elements of language arts, beginning with recitation. Most of the people in the group are fairly new to her ideas, so our meetings take me back ten years to when my family was first testing out her suggestions. Recitation was a flop for Pamela due to her aphasia (severe language disorder). Even the simplest line was beyond her because she skipped short, abstract words. Unlike E. in the anecdote Mason provided, committing to memory and reciting a poem required extensive and strenuous effort:

She read a poem through to E.; then the next day, while the little girl was making a doll's frock, perhaps, she read it again; once again the next day, while E.'s hair was being brushed. She got in about six or more readings, according to the length of the poem, at odd and unexpected times, and in the end E. could say the poem which she had not learned (page 225).

Modern research bears out the wisdom of Mason's suggestion to read the poem to E. "at odd and unexpected time" while doing different activities in various locations. Studying in the same place free of distractions doesn't increase memory. The brain associates what is being learned with background sensations it perceives at the time. In Mason's example, learning lines from Tennyson is shaded slightly with the sitting on the bed feeling one's hair brushed, or perhaps, stirring cake batter in the kitchen. Forcing the brain to make multiple associations to the poem scaffolds memorization. "What we think is happening here is that, when the outside context is varied, the information is enriched, and this slows down forgetting," explains one researcher.

For many years, David quickly learned whatever poem was put in front of him, while Pamela struggled with the first line. We continued to hope for Pamela to learn the children's art without any evidence recitation was within reach. About four years ago, the miracle started when we realized Pamela needed a multi-sensory approach to memorizing poetry: her brain could make the multiple associations required when she read it aloud, copied it in her own handwriting, and used it for studied dictation (how we do spelling and writing mechanics). She loved poetry so much, she spent one morning doing what she called a poem marathon.

Singing in unison and reciting the Lord's Prayer at church seemed beyond her until we started filling in developmental milestones through Relationship Development Intervention. She was missing the ability to coordinate her actions and adjust her pace to that of another person and RDI helped fill that gap. Last fall, Pamela finally started singing with me, taking turns alternating lines, and even picking up where I left off. She even sang to herself while quietly doing paperwork. This summer, Pamela has been quietly reciting the Lord's Prayer with the congregation in church. Because of my work on the church website, she has access to Sunday recitations of The Apostle's Creed (which she started preparing for recitation last year). Over the summer, she has listened to the recordings on our computer intently to memorize this challenging statement of belief.

Today, the entire body of New Covenant Presbyterian Church heard the evidence of the miracle coming out of Pamela. As if to anticipate our pastor's sermon on pursuing God (available later in the week), Pamela "boldly" (Luke 8:11 NIV) with "shameless audacity" (Luke 8:11 TNIV) recited The Apostle's Creed in unison with the church body. Because of a slight delay in her pace, I could hear her all the way up front where I sit with the choir during the first half of the service. As I looked out into the faces of our many, many friends in the congregation, I saw bright smiles everywhere from people who know what a precious moment this was.

During and after the service, they shared their appreciation. Fellow choir members chuckled, marveled, and patted me on the shoulder. A friend in the back pew stopped me on my way to sit with Pamela during the sermon. The lady who ran the children's catechism program for a long time told me she thought Pamela was ready to become a full-fledged "adult" member of the church. Her husband, an elder emeritus, commented he had no idea she knew the creed with such confidence. Another sweet friend wished we would all proclaim our beliefs with such gusto. The husband of another dear friend told me how much he is amazed by the pictures I post on Facebook of Pamela's watercolors (overdue post to follow) and the stories I share about her. Did I mention how many wonderful friends I have in my church?

And they weren't even in Sunday School class with us to witness Pamela's recitation of Tennyson's "The Eagle". For the past month, we have been studying great hymns that touch our hearts. Every week, we pick a hymn to research for the following Sunday: the lyrics, the story behind the hymn, and the person who wrote it. Someone shared their research of "Holy, Holy, Holy" by Reginald Heber and commented that Alfred Lord Tennyson considered it the world's greatest hymn. When she heard the poet laureate's name mentioned, Pamela perked up and said, "Just like 'The Eagle.'" Then she recited the poem for them.

Yesterday, Pamela was so proud of her accomplishment she recorded herself reciting the creed from memory. Just for the fun of it!

Then he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.' Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:5-13

P.S. The symmetry of all this is breathtaking. Hebrew 11 and Luke 11, which also contains "The Lord's Prayer" which Pamela recited unabashedly in church today.

It's Not the End of the World

Pamela's favorite phrase when feeling upset is, "It's not the end of the world!" While she does track news articles that interest her (Elizabeth Taylor's death), she has not kept up with the whole rapture hullabaloo (May 21, 6:00 p.m., pick your time zone). Some of my friends with autism spectrum children were not so lucky, so I thought I might share some strategies that may help you for the next doomsday prediction (December 21, 2012, when the Mayan calendar ends). If you are not a Christian, you have it easy. Just tell your kid that another crackpot Christian prophecy didn't come true. For us believers, it's not as easy.

First, the man who made this prophecy has been wrong before! Deuteronomy 18:22 tells us, "If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the LORD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously. Do not be afraid of him." So, when the man who hinted at the end of the world as possibly September 15-17, 1994 makes another prediction, stay calm! Not only that, Romans 16:17 says, "I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned." Any prediction of the day and hour of the end of the world clearly runs counter to the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 24:35-36. That is another reason to breathe easy.

Second, now that we have all survived the *ahem* rapture, it is a good time to give the children who spent yesterday in panic mode a little history lesson to be prepared for the next "end of the world" scenario. Do you remember the Y2K panic? We were living in Pennsylvania at the time and my friends thought we were crazy for spending Christmas of 1999 in El Salvador. They couldn't believe Steve was stupid enough to schedule a flight back to the States on January 3, 2000. I told them that, if we lost electricity because the power grid went down, I would rather be in a sunny tropical beach eating coconuts than freezing to death in a snowstorm. They still thought we were nuts. Y2K topped this list of top ten failed predictions of the apocalypse. And, if that's not enough, here's more.

Third, we can help our ASD children learn from our own experiences (such as Y2K) and learn from their own by making a special effort to code this into their episodic memory, something families doing RDI make a special effort to do. They can learn to pay attention to how you, their parents (their guide), react to situations and trust your response, which is what Pamela learned to do through this therapy. Children in the autism spectrum have a hard time storing valuable lessons from life in their memory in a way that they can retrieve it for future reference.

Memory is important for everyone in terms of learning, growing, and managing more complex social and emotional situations in life. We use our memories to build and strengthen relationships; to reflect on what we’ve done in order to make plans for the future; and to problem-solve based on past experiences. If we didn’t have memories to draw on, we would hardly move forward in life. Hence, developing meaningful memories is a critical skill for all people, including children with autism. Linda Murphy in her article Episodic Memory, Experience-Sharing, And Children with ASD

Do You ALREADY Know How to be GREAT?

At eleven, Alan Fine pictured himself as a "severely asthmatic, skinny and painfully shy kid," desperately desiring to play tennis.  Pitted in tennis finals against a thirteen-year-old, six feet tall, captain of the Welsh school rugby team--"the school 'jock,'" Alan focused on his wins 6-4, 4-0.  When he thought he might be school tennis champ with just two more wins, he froze.   From that moment, Fine desired to be a tennis champ.  Through stories, Alan Fine shows uncanny insights that led him to understand the interference that holds people back.

Alan inspires everyone to develop a way forward for performance peaks. Alan Fine's GROW design, simply clarified in You ALREADY Know How to be GREAT, details how using inside out approaches, leads to removal of interference that stifles progress. 

Intriguingly, an unlikely source - a shy, uncoordinated, girl - provide Fine even bigger breakthrough answers to interference.  The nine-year-old had Fine's best instruction, yet she was barely able to hit a tennis ball over the net, five times consecutively. Fine experienced a eureka insight as he perceived his instructional tips were "getting in her way."  Not too surprisingly, Alan told her to forget his past instructions.   Instead, he simply told her to say bounce when the ball touched the ground and hit when the ball hit her racket.  The girl hit the ball over the net 53 times in a row.  Two simple words increased her performance 1000% or 10X.  Amazingly, each of us holds that same potential.  It's a matter of the athlete perceiving the strategy inside out rather than outside in.

For a performer's journey to be GREAT, Fine starts with Faith, Fire and Focus.  You ALREADY Know How to be GREAT, reveals Alan's inside out process to apply simple doable actions to leap forward.  Alan creates questions that connect the performer to the problem. Interestingly, he poses these similar to MITA Two-footed questions that tap into curiosity, because people are challenged to find answers.  Here's an example of Fine's questions a performer can reflect on to name a specific Goal: 

• What issue do I want to work through?
• What do I want from this GROW "session" (meaning time devoted to resolving the issue)?
• What are the consequences if I do not take action?

Reality questions direct the performer to consider obstacles and determine if the goal is realistic.  In thinking about Options, the performer contemplates what could happen if anything could be done to make progress.  In the Way Forward, a performer reflects on ways to act on options and how to go about it.  The process helps the performer to GROW.

Alan Fine creates more than mere intellectual understanding of inside out concepts by relating his personal experience, using anagrams that easily show processes involved for breakthrough performance as well as publishing stories from people who achieved breakthrough performance.  Additionally, Alan created a website so that people can access his blog and other free items related to his work.

With deep foresight, Alan tackles some of the difficult issues coaches or performers might face when they get stuck.  In Chapter Nine, "What do you do when. . .?"  Fine shares questions he was asked over the years and he shows what works and what does not.  For instance, some people think they need to be told what to do.  Though it takes time, he shows how to avoid merely giving advice, but to empower the person to create consistently high-performance.

You ALREADY Know How to be GREAT is a pleasure to read and leaves you wondering where you can use Alan's thoughtful processes to ante up performance as you tackle critical issues at work or sports.  In this innovation era, the inside out process empowers leaders and managers to find solutions to failing systems.  Fine's GROW resources can prime any athletes' or managers' Faith, Fire and Focus, for a transformational journey.

Sunday Reflections

God is sooooooo goooooood!

Yesterday was tough. The hurt was caused by one issue that has been in my life for a very long time. I will not divulge the nature of it but it only comes in cycles and has nothing to do with my health, my friends, my loved ones, or anything like that. It came to a head last night, leaving me up until past midnight, feeling sad. Once again I realized that I am powerless change the situation, turned it over God, and prayed for the thorns in my flesh because you cannot hate those for whom you pray. I read my Bible, made a couple of connections to my situation, and went to bed.

This morning dawned a clear blue day. I woke up full of energy and so thankful for my loving husband, my children, my parents, and my siblings. I knocked out some laundry and started reorganizing the hall closet. I joined David on another milestone for him, getting his voter registration card. I took Pamela shopping for clothes, and we dropped off a box at Good Will. We each discovered a such meaningful treasures that they had to be whispers from God. She found a big Beanie Baby ladybug in the very scanty toy section--we wrapped up our nature study on ladybugs just over a week ago. I found a book about El Salvador on a teeny, tiny shelf of children's books--we leave on a short trip to that country before the month's end. On the way home, Pamela held my hand while we listened to the Brandenburg Concertos.

I was working on editing RDI videos and prepping for Week 7 of our homeschool year when something amazing popped into my email box. I only subscribe to one devotional that arrives once a day. The topic of the devotional clearly describes that exact nature of my situation with one verse of the Bible that told me everything I needed to know. It reminded me that I am not a freak and I am not alone. My beliefs are not trash. There are kindred spirits who place their trust in God.

That's when it hit me. Coincidences like this are not random. These little whispers from God are perfectly orchestrated to minister to us when we feel broken and alone.

Thanks Lord! I'm giving You the glory with a thankful heart!

If I speak in the tongues of men
And of angels, but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong
Or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy
And can fathom all mysteries
And all knowledge,
And if I have a faith that can move mountains,
But have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor
And surrender my body to the flames,
But have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

The Saga of the Sock Box

Last Monday, I had some friends over to discuss The RDI Book. Pamela usually spends that time watching television, using the computer, or listening to her i-Pod Touch. We were talking about how to set up an activity, like cleaning the stairs, with your objectives in mind.

At one point, I talked about the sock box and how we are transferring responsibility to Pamela. I mentioned that I had put socks in it on Saturday and told Pamela, "The sock box is full." Then, I stood up and went to her room, which is near the living room, to check her progress. She hadn't done a thing in the past two days.

Pamela was watching television in her room at the time, and the sock box was right beside her. It would have been a perfect time to roll socks. I mentioned something to her and she snottily said, "Put it away!" very loudly. Rather than get upset or embarrassed because of how she screeched at me in front of my friends, I asked her, "When do you think you can do the socks?" She quietly said, "Tonight."

Why didn't I get upset at her insolence? If we were running out of socks, then I would have pressed her further. If I had spent all weekend nagging her about her chores, then I might have been ticked off. If the house was going to explode if she didn't roll socks, I would have told her what to do and make her do it immediately. There are times to pick your battles. This wasn't even a skirmish.

I walked back to the living room and explained what had happened. As if they couldn't hear! We wrapped things up and, as my friends were leaving, Pamela called out, "I'm doing my socks!" Sure enough, we peeked in the room, and she was rolling away. My heart melted because, in the end, she decided to do what I had asked and took care of fourteen pairs of socks. Fourteen!

If this sounds like a parable, it is not. What I just related is a true story with eye-witnesses! However, it does remind me of the parable of the two sons that Jesus shared:

"There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.' 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?"

"The first," they answered. Matthew 21:28-31

I never understood the parable until last week. I always wondered why there wasn't a son who answered yes and then obeyed. Wouldn't it be even better to do both? It never sat right with me that the mouthy guy did what his father wanted. He sassed his dad.

Our church's five-month Bible study on Tim Keller's book The Prodigal God prepared me to finally understand the point of that parable. The parable of the two sons and what we call the prodigal son has many similarities. In both cases, the pharisees are questioning Jesus for the sort of people he serves (tax collectors--the kind of IRS agent who steals above and beyond what the politicians are trying to grab). In both cases, you have a son who disrespected his father and later repented and came back and another son who seems obedient on the surface but in his heart is quite the opposite. In both stories, the sons miss the mark of being a good son: showing respect and doing what they are asked to do because they loved their father.

Why didn't Jesus include the model son in either parable? I think because only one exists. Rather than give false expectations that one of us could be like that, he didn't even mention it. Jesus is the true son. The rest of us fall into one camp or the other. Up until last week, I understood this in my head. Now, my heart is starting to take a few steps in that direction. Pamela is really good at quick responses that require no thought. She said the first thing that popped in her head. It wasn't very respectful. After she thought about my observation more carefully, she realized folding clothes while watching television wasn't too much to ask. When I saw the smile on her face while I was counting the fourteen socks, I knew she did it out of love.

If that doesn't sit right with you, then I have to ask. Do you think she would have rolled the socks out of love for me had I added fuel to the fire? I think not. Feel free to disagree!

How the Grippe Stole Easter . . . Almost

It all started Wednesday, a fine spring day. Pamela and I delivered three and twenty meals on wheels. Along the way, we met a lovely little luna moth, our first ever, and we finally understood why they enchanted Oliver so much in The Four-Story Mistake.

Near the end of our journey, my eyes grew a bit watery, but it could have been the pine pollen, coating everything until it looked like some fairy had been a little too heavy with yellow pixie dust or a giantess in T-ville had opened a bag of cornmeal that blew up in her face and covered the county. The last two houses were smoky between the occupants with a fondness for tobacco and a wood stove. I chalked it off to the remains of the day.

By the time I picked David up from school, fits of sneezing attacked me, quite capable of building six-pack abs in a few days. The drippy eyes and itchy throat pointed to seasonal allergies, so I grabbed a lemon-berry slushie from Sonic for comfort. We zipped through Wallie world for some OTC allergy medications, purchased only for the spring onslaught. [Photo Credit: Brenda at Lee's House of Monograms]

Later, I headed off to Bible study as usual with an extra supply of tissue. The sneezing grew worse, and my head began to spin ever so slightly. The rather large fellowship hall grew hotter and hotter, so I began to wonder about hot flashes. My mind wandered and I could not track the lively discussion about the book The Prodigal God. I got out of there as soon as possible, went home, and collapsed into bed.

Alternating between couch and bed, I slept until Saturday morning at noon, except for necessary duties. With Steve in Illinois through last Thursday night. . . dogs . . . David . . . noodles for Pamela . . . a load of laundry . . . dishes. . . in between head aches . . . muscle aches . . . pains . . . chills . . . fever. I made one trip to Wallie world for Edy's fruit bars (miraculous stuff), broth, chicken noodle soup, tissue, juice, and toilet paper (we were out). I belong to the old school of flu-fighting. If you have a healthy immune system, then God's little white soldiers do their duty. Fevers are for killing nasty things in your body. Eruptions of mucous are for those little nasties that can make a hasty retreat. Tiredness is to force you to stay in bed where you belong. Two to three days of absolute misery avoids two to three weeks of bronchitis. And, when the grippe grabs you Wednesday and you have to sing on Sunday, no pain, no gain!

We took things slow and easy on Saturday, doing a little in between catnaps. Before heading to bed early, I stumbled upon something on youtube that got me into the Easter spirit: recordings of Handel's Messiah with a score that scrolls along with the music. I selected the brilliant Amen chorus and could not resist softly singing the alto line which I have memorized except for a few snarky parts that these nifty little videos might solve! And beneath all that mucus lay my voice. With careful cough management, I could sing as high as an F, all that was needed for choir. I prayed to God to give me a sign at the Easter sunrise service. If I could sing the hymns without collapsing into a coughing spell, then I would take it as His blessing for singing at the indoor service.

Before dawn, I emerged out of my house, blinking like Rip van Winkle at the fairyland near my house. The pink, magenta, and red azaleas had bloomed as did the sunny Carolina jasmine. The carefully cropped wisteria waved at us, wafting its sweet perfume. The weather was picture perfect, not too hot and not too cold. The cool fresh air soothed my face. Spring had sneaked up behind my back while I was sleeping through April Fool's Day, Maundy Thursday, World Autism Day, and Good Friday.

Farm fields surround our church on three sides, so the setting was gorgeous, mist blanketed the fields, a light blue sky that blushed in the spot where the sun would debut. Just as the pastor started speaking, as if on cue, a large flock of geese flew in V-formation overhead. From time to time, cardinals and mockingbirds serenaded us, crows crackled, and cows made their presence known. Another flock of geese headed into the pink beam when the sermon began. The pastor talked about the burning hope flooding the hearts of different disciples with joy as the good news spread, and the sun appeared on the horizon, also burning and flooding our hearts. All of creation celebrated Easter with us. The birds and cows sang the last hymn, and I did too! After sharing breakfast in the fellowship hall, we headed home. Steve ran, and I recovered and felt good enough to sing with the choir. Again, singing the joyful music flooded my heart with gratitude.

In bed that night, all the blessings of this Easter washed over me. It came without candy and baskets and bunnies. It came without dresses and dinner and egg hunts. It came without feasting and parties. By the world's trappings, we had one of the worst Easters on record!

Easter is about relationships, the horizontal relationships with our dear ones. My husband did not fuss because I had no goodies. My son had patiently took on extra duties when I was too woozy to get off the couch. My daughter showed absolute resilience and compassion by not freaking out by this unexpected disruption of the holiday. We shook on it that we would color the Easter eggs on Monday (and we did). My parents who normally coordinate with us in preparing a scrumptious banquet had worn themselves out gardening, and we contented ourselves with sharing a pizza instead. My choirmates exclaimed, "We missed you Thursday and are glad you are able to sing this morning!"--particularly striking since I was the most under-dressed person in church that morning: all I had energy for was throwing on my black outfit, boots, a necklace. Makeup was beyond me.

At the formal service, our pastor spoke on our vertical relationship with God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). No matter what happens in this short, difficult life, whether it's autism, the flu, traveling husbands, etc., we have hope for a better life in eternity: not because of anything we have done. If left up to me and my ability and my accomplishments, I would be hopeless. Even though my plans for Easter amounted to nothing, Sunday was an awesome day for this reason:

We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Romans 5:1-6

I Want Wine!

Pamela turned 21 on March 23, and she's already begging for wine! We almost had a riot over the weekend. She whined, "I want wine", in front of a bunch of church people too. And, boy, did we get a lot of stares!

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. . .

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I left out a lot of context in that story. If you are the parent of an autistic child, I can almost guarantee how you filled in the blanks. Our brains automatically guess missing information based on prior experience and background knowledge. When you lack both, you come to the wrong conclusion, which is why our children have problems in social situations. And now, for the rest of the story . . .

Last Sunday, Palm Sunday, our church celebrated communion, something it does once a quarter, except for special days like next Thursday, Maundy Thursday. Every denomination has its own policy about who should take communion. We have never investigated the issue because Pamela has never shown an interest--until Sunday, the most crowded service since Christmas! Fortunately, we have been attending church for over a year now and recently became members. Everybody knows us and knows about our journey with autism: I sing in the choir, David is so tall you can't miss him, Steve is on the Youth Advisory Committee, and I spoke on autism at the monthly luncheon last October. They love Pamela, and people get so excited when she talks to them as if it were a great honor bestowed by the Queen Bee herself.

These situations usually embarass David, but this time it was so funny that he got the giggles. Then, I caught the giggles. The choir director glanced over after the second plea for wine, thought "Give the girl some wine", and started giggling when she saw David and I smothering our laughter. The people behind us started chuckling too as I tried to explain to Pamela that we have to talk to the pastor about it. Then, she changed her tune, "Permission! Permission!" Our uncontrolled mirth was so scandalous and thankfully sitting near the back prevented dirty looks for those ignorant of our dilemma.

Pamela calmed down, and we escaped a full-blown meltdown. Now I'm seeking information from a church in our denomination with a special needs ministry.

By the way, our church serves grape juice, not wine! Imagine how she would have reacted had we given her grape juice.

Never mind! I don't want to go there!

Dust Bunnies, Faceblindness and Other Stuff

Sow an act, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; a character, reap a destiny. Hat tip: Charlotte Mason

My ears perked up at Bible study today when Jennifer Rothschild shared these words, often quoted by Charlotte Mason. Charlotte Mason backed up a step on this popular quote in her day. "'Sow an act,' we are told, 'reap a habit.' 'Sow a habit, reap a character.' But we must go a step further back, we must sow the idea or notion which makes the act worth while." The role of parents--and all good teachers--is to sow ideas.

Last week, our seventeen-year-old son David gave me a great example. We left him home alone during our cruise. He wasn't truly alone for he had two dogs, a parakeet, and three fish to keep him company. When he wasn't caring for the menagerie, he was either attending school or checking in with my folks who live across the street. We left him with very few instructions: we asked him to take care of the pets and check in with his grandparents once a day. We gave him no curfew. We made no rules about illicit parties. Since he has never given us a reason to doubt his judgment, we thought it unnecessary.

He surprised us when we came home.

It took me about a day to figure out what he had been up to. We got home Tuesday night, and I spent Wednesday catching up and doing laundry. On Thursday, I cleaned the house to prepare for a visit from friends the next day. As I dusted, I noticed something very strange. THERE WAS NO DUST! None in the dining room, living room, or office. The downstairs bathroom looked suspiciously clean. I couldn't find any dust bunnies sleeping in the corners either.

Then, I realized what David had been doing when he wasn't getting screen time, studying, banging on the drums, or playing his guitar! We never told him to clean. We never offered to pay him. When he came home from school, I asked him why. He told me that he always sees me cleaning before Dad returns from a business trip. He knows it makes his dad feel comfortable . . .

Through RDI, we are doing the same thing with Pamela: sowing ideas, hoping some will take root, and waiting to see what sprouts. Today, I reaped a bumper crop of fruit.

Many people with autism struggle with face blindness. While she has no problem recognizing people she knows well, she struggles when she sees a familiar face in the wrong place. If she does not recognize someone right away, I usually let her know where we normally see the individual. Today, at watercolor class, the mother of the homeschooler gave me hope that Pamela is making progress on this front.

I usually sit up front with the choir during the first half of our church service. Last Sunday, my friend and her family sat in the same pew as my crew. Pamela slid into the pew next to her classmate, followed by David and Steve. She glanced over and the wheels began to turn. My friend, who understood that one of our goals is to let Pamela think for herself, waved and said, "Hi! Pamela!" She gave her absolutely no clue about where they usually see each other. Her daughter waved and greeted Pamela too.

Then, Pamela did the most amazing thing for someone who struggles with faceblindness. She waved back and said, "Hi, Abbie!" SHE REMEMBERED! I was almost in tears as my friend was relating this story to me.

Now, if that wasn't enough to fill my heart with treasure, five minutes later, Pamela wowed me again.

Her teacher introduced the new student in the class. She waved to us and said, "I'm Susan from G_____ville!" I could tell Pamela hadn't caught that. Knowing of her interest in towns that end in ville, I pointed to Susan and said, "This is Susan. She is from G_____ville." Again, the wheels began turning in Pamela's head. She suddenly realized she had no idea where anybody in the class lived. She pointed to Lisa very clearly and decisively and said, "Where do you live?" Lisa smiled and answered, "S_____ton." She pointed to Abbie, asked the same question, and got the same answer. Pamela turned to her teacher and repeated her query. Carrie said, "I live in S_____ton too. Where do you live?" Pamela told her.

What strikes me the most about both of these situations is Pamela's inner motivation. Often the emphasis in the autism world is to prompt ASD children into learning the social graces before people are on their radar screen. That seems backward to me. A child who is interested in people will need much less direct teaching and prompting because "the idea or notion which makes the act worth while" has already sprouted. In Pamela's case, she first became interested in paying attention to us with the help of RDI. As she began to understand us better, she became interested in paying attention to other people. As she begins to understand people better, she has the inner motivation to interact with others, ask meaningful questions, and have short conversations without being prodded.

One good Bible study leads to another. So, I will close with a quote from The Prodigal God by Tim Keller, a book that has rocked my world. Deepening our understanding, not rules, is what relationships are all about!

What makes you faithful or generous is not just a redoubled effort to follow moral rules. Rather, all change comes from deepening your understanding of the salvation of Christ and living out of the changes that understanding creates in your heart. Faith in the gospel restructures our motivations, our self-understanding, our identity, and our view of the world. Behavioral compliance to rules without heart-change will be superficial and fleeting.

Another Twaddle-Free VBS Lesson

Wednesday (and last Monday), I shared another twaddle-free VBS lesson following the guidelines of Charlotte Mason. This time, I taught Jesus' parable of the unmerciful servant. I struggled with one dilemma for the older students in 3rd through 6th grade: do I leave out the ending, the uncomfortable verses in which the king sends the unmerciful servant to the torturers? If I left them out, I would not be telling the class the whole truth. If I kept them, I might place a huge burden on their hearts if they are struggling to forgive for any reason.

Fortunately, I had taught this same lesson to my adult Sunday school class a month ago and had already wrestled with these issues. I decided to share the whole truth and give the class insight on how Corrie Ten Boom handled having to forgive the unforgivable. Corrie's experience could reassure them that forgiveness from the heart is possible when we call on Jesus for help.

The lessons I wrote are below, and again the children made connections. One critical element of writing a lesson a la Charlotte Mason is to help them understand context. With both the older and younger classes, I focused them on the meaning of forgiveness in their lives by asking them if they ever made their parents angry more than three times a day, seven times a day, etc. Children came up with all kinds of numbers. Then, I explained that Peter wanted to know how many times we should forgive a person because rabbis were teaching that three is enough. But in the context of their lives, all of the children found three and even seven insufficient. Some thought that a thousand might work!

The other important element of the story is expressing the amount of forgiveness. With the older children, I explained that a denarius equals one day's worth of wages. To make the numbers easy, I told them I assumed that, by today's standards, a person could earn $100 a day. I told them one person in the parable owed 100 denarii, which equals $10,000 today. I even showed them a denarius from Jesus' day (the head on the coin is the emperor Tiberius who ruled Rome at this time in history).

When I saw the eyes widen in amazement, I explained talents. I asked them if billion dollar bills existed. They shook their heads no, so I told them a talent was like that. It was a number so big that it was a calculation, not a coin. A talent equals 15 years of work, so the other person owed 10,000 talents, which equals $6,000,000,000,000. Then, their eyes became really wide. Some whistled, while one student said the person could never pay it back while another said Bill Gates. I loved all of these comments because it told me that they were thinking and their minds were prepared to hear the parable.

After I read the entire parable to the older children, I asked them what they thought of the part about the torturers. They were pretty quiet. Then, I explained that sometimes it feels impossible to forgive someone who has something very terrible. But, we are not alone and we can turn to Jesus for help. I read to them the following excerpt from Tramp for the Lord.

It was in a church in Munich that I saw him, a balding heavy-set man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. . .

And that's when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister's frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!

Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent. ...

"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard in there." No, he did not remember me.

"But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein, . . ." his hand came out, . . . "will you forgive me?"

And I stood there — I whose sins had every day to be forgiven — and could not. Betsie had died in that place — could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?

It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

For I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "If you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses. . ."

And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion — I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand, I can do that much. You supply the feeling."

And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!"

For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely as I did then.

The children were very thoughtful as they left the room. One child asked me if there was a movie about this. I recommended The Hiding Place to her. I was chatting with the 3rd-4th grade teacher who has them after the scripture reading. She told me that they always know all of the answers to follow-up questions she has about what they learned. How exciting to know that living stories really do stick with them!

With the younger children, I scaffolded them even more because they were probably not ready to absorb big numbers and foreign money, much less familiar money. So, I showed them the grid below (about 9" x 7" in area) and told them that I would need 100 copies of the grid below to express the amount of forgiveness the king gave the first servant. As I talked about the king forgiving the debt, I ripped up the grid and threw it in the trash. Then, when I talked about the debt of the second servant, I showed that teeny tiny little block in the bottom, right corner of the picture below. It was hard to see and all of the little ones crowded around because they had to see how tiny it was. I did leave out the last two verses because of their age. I believe many got the concrete illustration I used because they said they thought the king would be sad because the servant did not forgive the other servant for the teeny, tiny debt.



As always the little ones were wiggly, but that does not bother me. Children that age ought to be enjoying the outdoor life, so I figure what ever attention they can spare is good enough for me. One child, the grandson of a friend, surprised his grandmother with what he remembered. Now, every time he gets angry at her, he says aloud, "Uh-oh, I know I need to forgive you. Where's a piece of paper?" Then, he rips up the paper and tells her, "I forgive you!" It just goes to show that living stories make an impact on children, regardless of how much they wiggle and waggle.

Subject: Literature and History
Time: 15 minutes

Objective:
1. Interest the children in Jesus’ parable about the unmerciful servant so that they may not forget it.
2. Inspire the children to think about how much Jesus wanted us to forgive.
3. Let them know that asking the Holy Spirit for help is the key to forgiveness.

Material (Thank You Google Image Search):
1. Photographs of a denarius and stained glass windows depicting two scenes
2. Picture of a woodcarving of a third scene
3. Representation of money owed (pieces of paper)
4. Two strips representing the two amounts of money
5. Grid with six thousand tiny squares
6. One tiny square

Lesson for 3rd-4th and 5th-6th Grades:
Step 1. Explain to the children the two kinds of money mentioned. Show and pass out the picture of the denarius and today's equivalent. Pass out the strip representing talents.

Step 2. Ask the children how often they make their parents angry. Is forgiving three times enough? Seven times? Tell them what Peter learned about forgiveness from the other teachers.

Step 3. Hand out the pictures to children. Ask them to form small groups, one picture per group. Let them study the pictures and talk about them for a minute.

Step 4. Before reading the Bible, tell the children that they are to pass the picture just described when I pause. Read Matthew 18:21-35, pausing for the scenes in each picture.

Step 5. Wait for them to comment and ask thoughtful questions, feeding off their comments.

Step 6. Ask them what they thought of the part about the jailer. Read the passages written by Corrie Ten Boom about how the Holy Spirit helped her forgive the concentration camp guard.

Lesson for K-3/4/5 and 1st-2nd Grades:
Step 1. Ask the children how often they make their parents angry. Is forgiving three times enough? Seven times? Tell them what Peter learned about forgiveness from the other teachers.

Step 2. Explain to them that Jesus loved stories. One day Peter wanted to know how many times we should forgive a person. He told His answer through a story.

Step 3. Orally narrate Matthew 18:21-24. Tell them about the king and the servant and show them the grid with 6,000 tiny squares. Tell them that if I had a hundred copies of the grid that is how much the King needed forgive the servant. What could the servant do to be forgiven?

Step 4. Orally narrate Matthew 18:25-27. Rip up the paper and throw it in the trash to signify the canceled debt.

Step 5. Tell them about the servant and his friend who needed to be forgiven. Show them the tiny block paper which represents how much forgiveness he needed. Should the servant forgive the friend?

Step 6. Orally narrate Matthew 18:28-33. Ask them how they think the king felt about the servant who could not forgive.

Charlotte Mason WORKS

Late Saturday night, I made it home from the Charlotte Mason Conference and have had not had anytime to breathe, much less blog. Why? My church asked me to be the "storyteller" for Vacation Bible School today and Wednesday. The program they selected is Beach Party: Surfin' through the Scriptures. When I previewed the lesson from the Bible Storyteller Book, my stomach lurched because it included a script with actors, props, and sound effects--definitely not my cup of tea! I called the VBS coordinator, and she told me all we had time for was the simplified story version in the back of the manual. Hmmm . . . I have to do a short lesson from a living book . . .

Suddenly, the rebellious, subversive part of the brain that told me to homeschool my kids and do whacko things like the gluten-free, casein-free diet kicked in. The Bible is the most popular living book of all time! I decided to be brave and write a lesson plan using the actual text of Judges 6:36-7:21 as my guideline. Yes, a bona fide lesson plan in the spirit of Charlotte Mason, keeping in mind the daily narration lesson design "Is Sequencing and Ordering the Curriculum Important for Scaffolding Learning?" covered in the article in the Winter 2007 issue of The Review.

The first thing I did was consult the sample lessons in Appendix V of School Education by Charlotte Mason and Carroll Smith's ideas on how to scaffold a lesson. I turned to Volume 3 pages 238 through 239 for the Old Testament example. The first challenge was that I was planning a lesson for four different classes and would have to scaffold each one differently: K-3/4/5, 1st-2nd grades, 3rd-4th grades, and 5th-6th grades. While I lacked a shared understanding with the class, I tried to imagine what children in each age group might already know. I also had to keep in mind that children take time to adjust to oral narration so I decided to find other ways to reproduce what they are learning. If I taught these children year-round, my goal would be to teach them to narrate. I have enough sense to know two days does not a narrator make.

How did it go? TERRIFIC! Charlotte Mason WORKS!!!!!

The oldest class made wonderful connections such as the 300 remaining men made them think of 300, which is an R-rated movie based on the wonderful story of Leonidas and his 300 Spartans guarding the pass at Thermopylae to slow down the Persian army. They also chuckled at the chain link fence in the picture that represented the dry fleece. I thanked them for pointing it out because I knew that meant they were thinking. The 3rd-4th graders noted that trusting God helps you to obey Him. The 1st-2nd graders could not believe that Gideon's army won even though they only had trumpets and jars. Five or six told me that the story of Gideon was great--they just loved it--I could see it in their bright, eager eyes. Even the rowdiest bunch, the youngest class, gave thoughtful responses that we should obey God just like we should obey our mothers, fathers, and grandparents.

Here is my lesson plan:

Subject: History
Time: 15 minutes

Objective:
1. Interest the children in the story of Gideon and his trumpet so that they may not forget it.
2. Give them an admiration for Gideon as one who trusted in God and obeyed Him.

Material (Thank You Google Image Search):
1. 8" x 10" photographs of a shorn sheep and fleece
2. 8" x 10" printed pictures from the story of Gideon

Lesson for 3rd-4th and 5th-6th Grades:
Step 1. Ask the children if they know what fleece is. Respond to their answers and show this photograph of a shorn sheep.

Step 2. Since most children know the story of David and Goliath, emphasize the physical weakness of Gideon's character. Point out that Gideon lived before David was born and had no knowledge of that story to give him courage. Let them know the reason for Gideon's fleece test was that he did not understand why God picked a weak person to lead the army.

Step 3. Briefly describe the situation with the opposing forces, the Midians. Point to the camp represented in the mural on the classroom wall and the rocks surrounding it.

Step 4. Hand out the five pictures to children. Ask them to form small groups, one picture per group. Let them study the pictures and talk about them for a minute.


Step 5. Before reading the Bible, tell the children that they are to pass the picture just described when I pause. Read Judges 6:36-7:21, pausing for the scenes in each picture. Point to the mural for the scenes involving the camp.

Step 6. Have the children tell what the theme obedience has to do with the story of Gideon.

Lesson for K-3/4/5 and 1st-2nd Grades:
Step 1. (K-3/4/5 Only: Lead the children in singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and have them stop at "its fleece was white as snow.") Ask the children if they know what fleece is. Respond to their answers and show this photograph of a shorn sheep and the fleece.

Step 2. Since most children know the story of David and Goliath, emphasize the physical weakness of Gideon's character. Point out that Gideon lived before David was born and had no knowledge of that story to give him courage. Let them know the reason for Gideon's fleece test was that he did not understand why God picked a weak person to lead the army.

Step 3. Briefly describe the situation with the opposing forces, the Midians. Point to the camp represented in the mural on the classroom wall and the rocks surrounding it.

Step 4. Orally narrate Judges 6:36-7:9. After telling the wet fleece versus dry ground, ask them if they would have obeyed God. Then, have them anticipate the next test by telling it is the opposite of the first. Have them anticipate whether or not God wants a bigger or smaller army. Have them stand up and act out the downsizing of the army by having the children on the green rug represent the terrified soldiers and all but three sit down after the water test.

Step 5. Orally narrate Judges 7:15-7:21. Before telling the final scene, set the stage by pointing to the mural and showing where the Gideon's army will be standing. Have them anticipate what kind of weapons they will need. Surprise them with the answer trumpets and jars. Wrap up the scene with Gideon's tactic and have them anticipate how the Midian army reacted.

Step 6. Have the children tell what the theme obedience has to do with the story of Gideon.

Easter Perspective

Busy business leaders can benefit by taking time to step aside and rewire. One way of rewiring is to gain more perspective about who we are and our overall purpose. Faith guides purpose in life - helps bring meaning to our overall existence in relation to others, our earth, and God.

One benefit is that faith and spirituality are linked to positive physical and mental health. Faith helps us answer the meaning life has for us: Who are we? Where do we come from? Why do we exist? What is the meaning of life, of love, of tragic losses of death?

In light of purpose in life, many business leaders take a few moments to center themselves. For those readers and friends who celebrate Easter, here's a meditation - a poem by Luci Shaw...

Onlookers

"Sickness is a place. . .where there's no company, where nobody can follow." -- Flannery O'Connor

Behind our shield of health, each
of us must sense another's anguish
second-hand; we are agnostic in the face of dying. So Joseph
felt, observer of the push
and splash of birth, and even Mary,
mourner, under the cross's arm.

Only their son, and God's,
in bearing all our griefs
felt them first-hand, climbing
himself our rugged hill of pain.
His nerves, enfleshed, carried
the messages of nails, the tomb's
chill. His ever-open wounds
still blazon back to us the penalty
we never bore, and heaven
gleams for us more real,
crossed with that human blood.

From Postcard from the Shore, 1985