8 Strategies to Reboot Your Brain for Active Listening

As someone talks about an innovative project do you find exciting ideas sizzle in your mind? At times, I can begin to run with just one piece of what a colleague says and think very creatively. Whoa, I am not listening.  Do you have a similar issue? Interestingly, as you mull over a new idea in your mind, you miss a portion of what the other person says. Listening takes intentional focus.

The way our brains work, deeply affects listening capability. Here's why...

Not too surprisingly, at least three facets of how the human brain works, impact our listening and speech patterns. When we hear an exciting idea, we may be tempted to build on that in our own mind. Our brain's neurotransmitters release dopamine, helping us to feel the pleasure of a reward. The pleasure we receive from forming new ideas in our minds may work at odds with truly listening to another person.

Likewise, patterns of past interactions stored in your basal ganglia, impacts personal mental mindsets.  For instance, if you have attended workshops, meetings, company training sessions, or have not engaged in meaningful conversation with certain people, you can see why you will need extra spark to be attentive.

Over time, the speech patterns we adopt culturally, affect the way we listen to others. The brain's basal ganglia, described by Dr. Ellen Weber, is a "mental storehouse for habits, routines and ruts for every lifetime experience you've encountered." If you are used to forming new ideas so you can respond during a pause as someone else talks, you do not listen well.

The brain mainly focuses on one thing at a time. For instance this is why it is impossible to text and drive at the same time since multitasking causes the brain to bottleneck. Perhaps this bottle necking proclivity shows exactly why it takes such intentional focus to truly listen to someone as s/he speaks. So how do we begin to focus more on listening?

"Interest or importance is inextricably linked to attention," according to John Medina in his book, Brain Rules. Medina notes that researchers refer to this as arousal.

8 Strategies to Reboot your Brain for keen listening...

Value the speaker When you listen well, and give another person's thoughts keen contemplation before you answer, you serve both yourself and that person well. Why not take a card or memo pad to events to jot down key words that jog your ideas later? In this way you can engage even more of the other person's idea and you will have even more to go on later.

Eye contact counts When you truly look at some one's eyes as he or she speaks, you jack  up your focus.  If you are in a busy room full of activity, you could be easily distracted. Laughter, catching part of a joke, seeing someone you want to contact, can take away your attention quickly. Because the brain tends to focus on one thing at a time, I have to really focus on the eye contact.  It makes a difference for me. You?

MITA Two-footed questions As you listen intently ask questions that take the person's ideas to a new angle or a facet you want to know more about. People enjoy telling you their best ideas. By keeping the focus on that person's interest, you can go deeper with him or her.  In so doing, you will find that you will have more buy in yourself. The conversation thus moves from neutral, to one in which you are keenly interested.  As you gain interest, you are bringing more of your right brain, the creative side, to the conversation.

Active listening  A friend from China, Wen Ma, shared that in his culture people listen actively and contemplate the person's point and take time before they respond.  Active listening can improve a sales person's abilities to engage well since it listening well enough to respond to clients' needs helps clinch all-important deals.

Words block distractions  If you find your mind is distracted when someone speaks, say a word in your head such as, "focus," or "clear the mechanism." Then replace this with a key word you hear from the person speaking to move your thoughts with his or hers.

Posture counts - lean in  By leaning in as you listen, it boosts your concentration and creates a deeper connection to other people.

Practice makes perfect  If you can see the need to improve on past listening habits you've developed, as have I, they can be changed. And it's related to the human brain's amazing plasticity. Very recently researchers began to explore this aspect of the brain even more.

Here's a listening test found on Psychology Today. Start with their analysis to change where you stand...

Thoughts or additions?

Listening Beams from the other Side of Questions

Create a connection with people by leaning in and listening intently when they are speaking. ~Heshie Segal

"I'm great," flowed from my lips, just as the clerk began to inquire, "How..."  Since my response came ahead of the rest of the sentence, I had not anticipated what she really wanted to say.  Do you form your next input as others speak?  If we do, we really don't hear.  Good listening is on the other side of asking questions.

As the clerk completed her sentence, "...can I help you,"  I anticipated the familiar, "How are you today," and I was dead wrong.  Because of my mistake, it stopped me in my tracks.  Ever catch yourself doing this?  It's common in our culture to wait for pauses and jump in, unlike conversation in Japan, where speakers pause and answer after they have time to think about what was said.

Interestingly, you can succeed more in business by really listening.  "An executive's greatest asset in growing their business is their ability to listen," according to George Dennis.  He lists three recommendations to help make this part of your leadership style:

Really hear
Rather than rushing in to deliver answers, simply listen.  Stay in the moment instead of thinking about how you'll respond while the other person is talking.  "Hear and understand the need," Dennis recommends.  "Let it soak in and then answer the call."

Promote dialogue, not monologue
Wait until the person is finished speaking and then repeat words back to let them know you are fully engaged in conversation.  It's a way to gain conficence from employees or potential customers, Dennis finds.

Consider body language
Listening is active!  Nods, eye contact, and other reactions give a signal to another person that you listen and hear.  If you look at your watch or avoid eye contact when someone speaks to you, you make employees or clients uncomfortable.

People in the U.S. have a mindset to act and this makes listening difficult, Mary Jo Asmus notes. 

Why? Because listening isn’t considered something that gets results. Our workplaces (understandably) are geared toward taking action to achieve results.

So we’re constantly in motion, taking action because it’s what we (think) we get paid to do. Our days are filled with meetings, phone calls, email, fixing things. We talk TO and AT others and think we’ve accomplished something.

Productive listening does not occur naturally. It requires work and practice.  Tom Lewis and Gerald Graham list these 7 tips for effective listening 

1. Concentrate on what others say
2.  Send nonverval message that you listen and hear
3. Avoid early evaluations
4. Refrain from getting defensive
5.  Practice paraphrasing
6.  Listen and observe for feelings
7.  Ask questions

You can test yourself by giving a peer Lewis and Graham's Listening Quiz.  How do you rate?

1. During the past two weeks, can you recall an incident where you thought I was not listening to you?

2. When you are talking to me, do you feel relaxed at least 90 percent of the time?

3. When you are talking to me, do I maintain eye contact with you most of the time?

4. Do I get defensive when you tell me things with which I disagree?

5. When talking to me, do I often ask questions to clarify what you are saying?

6. In a conversation, do I sometimes overreact to information?

7. Do I ever jump in and finish what you are saying?

8. Do I often change my opinion after talking something over with you?

9. When you are trying to communicate something to me, do I often do too much of the talking?

10. When you are talking to me, do I often play with a pen, pencil, my keys, or something else on my desk?

When you feel like you really connect with someone, you might say you are on the same wavelength. As you focus on the ideas or questions of another person, your brain filters out distracting thoughts to help you focus. But it's your choice.

Listening is a gift you give to others.  Others gain respect and confidence that when they speak, they also feel heard.  You can see how critical the other side of questioning is.  What will you change in the way you listen?

Can You Easily Talk and Drive?

Ever find yourself distracted as you drive and talk business on your cellphone? That's not surprising because your brain cannot easily juggle both. University of South Carolina researchers show that as people prepare to speak or actually speak, they are "four times more distracted than as they listen." Speaking puts far more demands on the brain than listening. Here's why...

"People can tune in or out as needed when listening," contends Dr. Amit Almor, lead researcher. Added to that, he determined, "It's really an attention problem, not really about holding the phone in your hand."

Keep these findings in mind if you conduct business on your cellphone while driving...

• The greater the urge to speak, the greater the distraction from the visual task.
  

• When applied to the visual task of driving, results show that simply using hand-free devices is not very helpful.

• With driving, talking on the phone is very different from talking to someone in the car.

• When someone sits next to you they act as a second set of eyes, and can alert you to things that someone on the other end of your cellphone can't.

Dr. Almor's study really adds weight to earlier Carnegie Mellon studies which show that just listening to a cell phone while driving is a significant distraction, and it causes drivers to commit some of the same types of driving errors that can occur under the influence of alcohol.

This study "used brain imaging to document that listening alone reduces by 37 percent the amount of brain activity associated with driving. This can cause drivers to weave out of their lane, based on the performance of subjects using a driving simulator."

Here're stats that would interest you, next time you're tempted to conduct business as you drive...

Almor’s findings are particularly relevant in light of recent statistics.

The National Highway Traffic and Safety Administration (NHTSA) reported in April that 25 percent of all car accidents are caused by distractions. A survey done by Nationwide Mutual Insurance in 2007 indicated that 73 percent of drivers talk on cell phones while driving. Given that cell-phone sales have vaulted to 254 million in February 2008 up from (4.3 million in 1990), according to the Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association, there is good reason for researchers to study the brain and how talking and listening on a cell phone interferes with driving a car.

I have used a Blue Tooth earphone and have engaged in conversation as I was driving so this research was new to me. While I felt I was completely concentrating on my driving, this makes me think twice.

Thoughts?