8 Strategies to Reboot Your Brain for Active Listening

As someone talks about an innovative project do you find exciting ideas sizzle in your mind? At times, I can begin to run with just one piece of what a colleague says and think very creatively. Whoa, I am not listening.  Do you have a similar issue? Interestingly, as you mull over a new idea in your mind, you miss a portion of what the other person says. Listening takes intentional focus.

The way our brains work, deeply affects listening capability. Here's why...

Not too surprisingly, at least three facets of how the human brain works, impact our listening and speech patterns. When we hear an exciting idea, we may be tempted to build on that in our own mind. Our brain's neurotransmitters release dopamine, helping us to feel the pleasure of a reward. The pleasure we receive from forming new ideas in our minds may work at odds with truly listening to another person.

Likewise, patterns of past interactions stored in your basal ganglia, impacts personal mental mindsets.  For instance, if you have attended workshops, meetings, company training sessions, or have not engaged in meaningful conversation with certain people, you can see why you will need extra spark to be attentive.

Over time, the speech patterns we adopt culturally, affect the way we listen to others. The brain's basal ganglia, described by Dr. Ellen Weber, is a "mental storehouse for habits, routines and ruts for every lifetime experience you've encountered." If you are used to forming new ideas so you can respond during a pause as someone else talks, you do not listen well.

The brain mainly focuses on one thing at a time. For instance this is why it is impossible to text and drive at the same time since multitasking causes the brain to bottleneck. Perhaps this bottle necking proclivity shows exactly why it takes such intentional focus to truly listen to someone as s/he speaks. So how do we begin to focus more on listening?

"Interest or importance is inextricably linked to attention," according to John Medina in his book, Brain Rules. Medina notes that researchers refer to this as arousal.

8 Strategies to Reboot your Brain for keen listening...

Value the speaker When you listen well, and give another person's thoughts keen contemplation before you answer, you serve both yourself and that person well. Why not take a card or memo pad to events to jot down key words that jog your ideas later? In this way you can engage even more of the other person's idea and you will have even more to go on later.

Eye contact counts When you truly look at some one's eyes as he or she speaks, you jack  up your focus.  If you are in a busy room full of activity, you could be easily distracted. Laughter, catching part of a joke, seeing someone you want to contact, can take away your attention quickly. Because the brain tends to focus on one thing at a time, I have to really focus on the eye contact.  It makes a difference for me. You?

MITA Two-footed questions As you listen intently ask questions that take the person's ideas to a new angle or a facet you want to know more about. People enjoy telling you their best ideas. By keeping the focus on that person's interest, you can go deeper with him or her.  In so doing, you will find that you will have more buy in yourself. The conversation thus moves from neutral, to one in which you are keenly interested.  As you gain interest, you are bringing more of your right brain, the creative side, to the conversation.

Active listening  A friend from China, Wen Ma, shared that in his culture people listen actively and contemplate the person's point and take time before they respond.  Active listening can improve a sales person's abilities to engage well since it listening well enough to respond to clients' needs helps clinch all-important deals.

Words block distractions  If you find your mind is distracted when someone speaks, say a word in your head such as, "focus," or "clear the mechanism." Then replace this with a key word you hear from the person speaking to move your thoughts with his or hers.

Posture counts - lean in  By leaning in as you listen, it boosts your concentration and creates a deeper connection to other people.

Practice makes perfect  If you can see the need to improve on past listening habits you've developed, as have I, they can be changed. And it's related to the human brain's amazing plasticity. Very recently researchers began to explore this aspect of the brain even more.

Here's a listening test found on Psychology Today. Start with their analysis to change where you stand...

Thoughts or additions?

Listening Beams from the other Side of Questions

Create a connection with people by leaning in and listening intently when they are speaking. ~Heshie Segal

"I'm great," flowed from my lips, just as the clerk began to inquire, "How..."  Since my response came ahead of the rest of the sentence, I had not anticipated what she really wanted to say.  Do you form your next input as others speak?  If we do, we really don't hear.  Good listening is on the other side of asking questions.

As the clerk completed her sentence, "...can I help you,"  I anticipated the familiar, "How are you today," and I was dead wrong.  Because of my mistake, it stopped me in my tracks.  Ever catch yourself doing this?  It's common in our culture to wait for pauses and jump in, unlike conversation in Japan, where speakers pause and answer after they have time to think about what was said.

Interestingly, you can succeed more in business by really listening.  "An executive's greatest asset in growing their business is their ability to listen," according to George Dennis.  He lists three recommendations to help make this part of your leadership style:

Really hear
Rather than rushing in to deliver answers, simply listen.  Stay in the moment instead of thinking about how you'll respond while the other person is talking.  "Hear and understand the need," Dennis recommends.  "Let it soak in and then answer the call."

Promote dialogue, not monologue
Wait until the person is finished speaking and then repeat words back to let them know you are fully engaged in conversation.  It's a way to gain conficence from employees or potential customers, Dennis finds.

Consider body language
Listening is active!  Nods, eye contact, and other reactions give a signal to another person that you listen and hear.  If you look at your watch or avoid eye contact when someone speaks to you, you make employees or clients uncomfortable.

People in the U.S. have a mindset to act and this makes listening difficult, Mary Jo Asmus notes. 

Why? Because listening isn’t considered something that gets results. Our workplaces (understandably) are geared toward taking action to achieve results.

So we’re constantly in motion, taking action because it’s what we (think) we get paid to do. Our days are filled with meetings, phone calls, email, fixing things. We talk TO and AT others and think we’ve accomplished something.

Productive listening does not occur naturally. It requires work and practice.  Tom Lewis and Gerald Graham list these 7 tips for effective listening 

1. Concentrate on what others say
2.  Send nonverval message that you listen and hear
3. Avoid early evaluations
4. Refrain from getting defensive
5.  Practice paraphrasing
6.  Listen and observe for feelings
7.  Ask questions

You can test yourself by giving a peer Lewis and Graham's Listening Quiz.  How do you rate?

1. During the past two weeks, can you recall an incident where you thought I was not listening to you?

2. When you are talking to me, do you feel relaxed at least 90 percent of the time?

3. When you are talking to me, do I maintain eye contact with you most of the time?

4. Do I get defensive when you tell me things with which I disagree?

5. When talking to me, do I often ask questions to clarify what you are saying?

6. In a conversation, do I sometimes overreact to information?

7. Do I ever jump in and finish what you are saying?

8. Do I often change my opinion after talking something over with you?

9. When you are trying to communicate something to me, do I often do too much of the talking?

10. When you are talking to me, do I often play with a pen, pencil, my keys, or something else on my desk?

When you feel like you really connect with someone, you might say you are on the same wavelength. As you focus on the ideas or questions of another person, your brain filters out distracting thoughts to help you focus. But it's your choice.

Listening is a gift you give to others.  Others gain respect and confidence that when they speak, they also feel heard.  You can see how critical the other side of questioning is.  What will you change in the way you listen?

Silence Stirs Insights

The notes of the lecturer are passed to the notes of the listener - without going through the mind of either... Mortimer Adler

Have you stopped to wait in silence after asking a question when leading?... It seems risky and uncomfortable... What if no one says anything? The gut screams that you'll appear foolish since you appear to be wasting time. So why bother?

Connections - Silence allows folks just a bit of time to link what a speaker says to their ideas, knowledge and experience. Silence provides enough space to make connections. When you stop and pause, it opens space for deeper thoughts.

Learning - Leaders around a table have a chance to think and reflect... when this space is provided some of our most important thinking occurs - and ideas come forth that're otherwise smothered. "Some leaders view staff development as conveying information," Dennis Sparks, of the National Development Council claims. "It's not about what a trainer or coach does, but the effort invested by leaders as learners as they participate." Spaces of silence allow for reflection.

Active Listening - When silence occurs as others speak, you engage active listening, something most humans do not do since in many cultures including the U.S. , we're formulating our next words and waiting our next opportunity to jump in and speak. When we engage in this, we really do not listen. However, we could learn from Asian cultures where speaking patterns differ and people pause to think and don't have the pressure to jump in just to fill a pause. How would you rate your listening skills?

Community - Important and lasting learning occurs in community. The Inuit elders' talking stick can work as a tool to enforce silence and enhance individual thinking and reflection until space is provided for input as each holds the stick to speak. Dr. Ellen Weber saw the effectiveness of a talking stick when living with the Inuit for two years in the High Arctic and uses this approach at many of our MITA sessions. Any neutral object serves well. Talking stick sessions ultimately lead to new ideas at the table. And, people in the community tend to bond more as deeper thinking emerges and they learn more about each other at a deeper level.

Voice - Though it may seem strange to include voice in a post on silence, many voices are never heard when only a few speak. For instance, Anna, one of my commenters said last week, "I know that I know, but my confidence level would be sometimes low. And I sometimes could not believe how many engineers I saw that they argue their way so strongly that they are right, later to find out that they were wrong." Anna's voice was important, but was often held back at engineering tables. Spaces of silence, along with the talking stick, can bring new confidence to all players so that their thoughtful contributions can come forth. What might happen in your team?

Reconfigures Minds - the most powerful changes in thinking create new neural networks in the brain and develop relationships that sustain us and our work. Stillness and spaces to reflect enable that process.

Cultivates the Heart - Silence affects your beliefs in ways that affect you and other leaders.

Ready to Still Your Voice? Consider ways stillness might be used to begin a conference or meeting, as a transition between topics of discussion, or to help leaders in meetings reflect on what they've learned, gather their thinking or ponder where to from here. Surprises come to those who listen.

Thanks, Steve Roesler, you stirred my thought and research on silence in your post on Employee Needs. This post cooked a few days on the back burner.

Remember, Silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing... William S. Burroughs



Thoughts?

Surprises Come to Those Who Listen!

Why is it that a brief message whispered from one person to the next, in a line of ten people, changes by the time the last person receives it? What does this tell you about listening?

The ability to listen well requires active engagement – your brain is not only taking in facts or information, but interpreting and organizing it in relation to past experience and knowledge to hypothesize and problem solve creatively. How might that look in relation to an everyday business deal?

Interestingly, financial writer William Devine shares that a client asked him to negotiate the purchase of some land. Trouble was the person's offer was $100,000 below asking price. Mr. Devine stayed on the phone a long time with the owner and resolved most problems, but the owner returned to the money issue and declared, "The price your client proposes will leave us well short of our projections. That makes it very tough on us."

During a pause, Devine reflected on his alternatives. Since the developer hadn't asked a question or made a counteroffer, Devine waited. Finally the owner proposed, "…it's good for us to just get the deal done, so we'll do it." Devine declared, "I had saved a client $100,000 by simply immobilizing my jaw." Mr. Devine made a great choice because he was not merely focusing on his own agenda here, but listened actively to make a choice. Would you have listened and allowed silence? Would you term yourself an engaged, active listener?

Try this listening quiz to see where you stand. List A, B or C as shown below to answer.

A = less than 20% B = 21 – 59% C = 60% or more

1. Do you think about other things when someone is speaking? _____


2. Do you “tune out and turn off” a speaker when you are not interested? _____


3. Are you easily distracted when someone else is talking? _____


4. Do you quickly begin developing arguments in your mind if someone presents ideas opposite to your beliefs? _____


5. Do you plan what you want to say as someone else speaks so your voice can be heard at the first possible pause? _____


6. Are you uncomfortable with silence when no one speaks for a couple of minutes? _____


7. Do you allow “catch phrases” to destroy your focus? _____


8. Do you mainly listen for facts and jot them down rather than formulating bigger ideas? _____


9. Do you look away from a speaker’s eyes during a conversation? _____


10. Do you listen more easily to recreational topics than ideas that challenge your mind? _____

Eight or more A responses and B responses: you are a good listener, but you can target areas to improve.

Mostly B responses [4-7] with some A responses: you are not truly an active listener and you can benefit at work by rewiring your brain by using new active listening strategies.

Some C [1-3] responses, plus [4-6] B responses: you can benefit by purposefully engaging in active listening on the job beginning today.

What do recent discoveries about the brain reveal about our ability to listen? Our ability to listen well is affected by multi-tasking, distractions, and our ability to construct a “play-back loop” for a message.

According to UCLA psychologist Russell Poldrack, “Tasks that require more attention…will be particularly adversely affected by multi-tasking.”

Insightfully, Poldrack found the brain's hippocampus plays critical roles in processing, storing and recalling information. For the task learned without distraction, the hippocampus was involved. However, for the task learned with the distraction of beeps, the hippocampus was not involved; but the striatum was. The brain’s striatum underlies our ability to learn new skills.

"Multi-tasking makes it more likely you will rely on the striatum to learn," Poldrack said. "Our study indicates that multi-tasking changes the way people learn."

These researchers suggest that you should avoid multi-tasking when trying to learn something new that you hope to remember. Do you sense multitasking affects your attentive listening ability?

Scientists at Carnegie Mellon University show that your brain is forced to process messages as you listen which requires much more from your working memory. Ellen Weber describes working memory as, “your mental capacity to hold onto a few different facts while you noodle them to solve a problem or to create something new…”

To scientists' surprise, there were two big differences in brain activity patterns while participants were reading or listening to identical sentences, especially at the level of understanding meaning. During reading, the right-brain was not as active, which opens the possibility that there were differences in the nature of the comprehension you experience in reading versus listening.

Second, while listening was taking place, there was more activation in the left-brain region that usually activates when there is language processing which requires recall. The greater amount of activation in the left brain suggests that there is more language processing and working memory storage in listening comprehension than in reading.

“Because spoken language is so temporary, each sound hanging in the air for a fraction of a second, the brain is forced to immediately process or store the various parts of a spoken sentence in order to be able to mentally glue them back together in a conceptual frame that makes sense… to re-play spoken language, you need a mental play-back loop” according to Marcel Just, Carnegie Mellon psychologist.

Leaders in a boardroom often think fast on their feet, process information and communicate ideas based not only on written reports in a meeting, but even more crucially, their ability to listen actively.

Tips to rewire your brain for active listening:

1. Probe with questions to take speaker "deeper." What are you curious about?


2. Detect tone and purpose. What’s in it for the speaker?


3. Focus on key points so you can repeat them later


4. Jot down key words quickly


5. Wait before judging what speaker says. Consider speaker’s approach first.


6. Read and outline main points from articles with “complex” ideas to learn how to process many-sided issues when you're a listener.


7. Do not be distracted by hot or politically incorrect words


8. Keep your eyes on the speaker as you use a receptive body stance


9. Consider content and not delivery bumbling


10. Mentally summarize and form a picture of the whole


11. Value silence at times

Ready to grow skills for more active listening? How might you be an even better communicator no matter what? I'm working on allowing silence more in conversations. Do you suppose $100,000 is just around the bend?