React to Annoyance with Frustration?

Your needs jump up like prickly pears when someone ticks you off. So, how do you handle it? John Butler of the Irish Times thought deeply about this and discusses differences he sees in ways Australians handle annoyance compared to the way Irish folks handle it. John describes his brother in Australia...

"...sitting in a sauna with two Spanish guys and an Australian woman...the two Spanish guys were talking to each other loudly and in Spanish...and [the loud talk] was hurting his head.

After a few minutes of him stewing beside them but saying nothing, the Australian woman turned and said, 'Sorry guys, but would you stop talking so loud? It's just that the noise of your voices is really annoying to listen to.' Silence. 'Thanks a lot, guys,' she said, then flashed an uncomplicated smile at them and sat back."

John wonders why the Irish typically act polite, but take on annoyance with frustration so that later "cars prang each other in parking lots or in streets." How do you handle frustration? Have you learned to speak without personally offending others in ways that enhance civility and politeness? Or do you hold annoyances in your gut and stew so that later actions reveal your true feelings?

When you take things in the gut, you allow the hormone cortisol, to flood your brain. Cortisol, according to Wikipedia, "is involved in the response to stress; it increases blood pressure, blood sugar levels, may cause infertility in women, and suppresses the immune system." McGill researchers find that over time high levels of cortisol damage brain functionality.

What's a good way, then, to handle annoyances that potentially frustrate us. Dr. Ellen Weber advocates learning to use tone in communication with others. She provides great strategies to guard against cortisol in communication. Rather than stewing and making mountains out of molehills, we can enhance work on teams, prickly pear situations in offices or even at the movies...first by finding ways to guard against cortisol in our lives.

If you have come across as rude in past or if you take it in the gut, John's example of how the Australian woman handled this provides great strategies we and all begin to use. Here's how to approach annoyance with good tone:

1. Look into the eyes of the person[s] you address
2. Address person[s] politely and with a calm voice [not raised], without judgment.
3. Simply name the annoyance
4. Avoid personal references that show emotions
5. Give the people a chance to change
6. When change is evidenced, make sure to thank the person[s] for their actions

Do you think culture affects the way you handle annoyances. What do you see in John Butler's story to help you bust prickly pear attack or take-it-in-the-gut approaches? Thoughts?