Thinking Differently about Giving Advice

Ever consider what's behind giving advice? At times, an opinion about a good way to bring a great solution to a problem, slips out of my mouth... especially with people I care about. Do you ever face that dilemma? While I might mean well, if I concentrate on what this "help" does to family, friends, business associates, and folks in learning circles, I sense I'll bite my tongue faster. Here's why...

Advice often has hidden metamessages!

Metamessages are not only about words, but include relationships. So when I give that opinion or good idea, I may not recognize what lies underneath. Though I might think that I'm caring and helping, folks on the other end might feel criticism... I need to think differently!

Here's how advice might be interpreted by folks at work and home...

1. I already know that...

2. What do you take me for... someone who doesn't know anything?...

3. I'm hurting and all you can do is tell me what I should do...

4. Don't lord it over me...

5. You're trying to smother me...

Even if a colleague or close relative asks for advice, they might have mixed feelings in receiving it. Keep this in mind... What people might truly want is a word from you that what they are doing is on the right track. Perhaps they only want you to listen in a caring way while they sort out a problem, but don't want you to jump in.

Folks want independence rather than dependence so I'll bite my tongue and open my ears more....

Gregory Allen Butler at Holistic Personal Development challenged me to participate in the Think Different Challenge. To do this I needed to find something in my life that results in negatives and decide to look at it differently. I figure if I can avoid providing solutions for folks close to me, I'll be on a much better path.


I challenge the following bloggers to take up this tag:

Dave Schoof at Engaging the Disquiet
JD Walton at Black in Business
Donna Karlin at Perspectives
Priscilla Palmer at Personal Development Demands Success
Rick Cockrum at Shards of Consciousness
C.B Whittemore at Flooring the Consumer
Galba Bright of Tune Up Your EQ
Lisa Gates at Design Your Writing Life
David Airey at David Airey:Graphic Designer
Cody McKibben at Thrilling Heroics
Joanna Young at Coaching Wizardry

The Rules

1. Write a new blog post in which you “think different”. Follow my suggestions above, or be a bit different and interpret the challenge the way you want.
2. State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge. Feel free to use the above banner (inspired, of course, by Seth Godin).
3. Include a link and/ or trackback to the blogger who tagged you.
4. At the end of your post, go ahead and tag some fellow bloggers. Don’t forget to email them to let them know they have been tagged.
5. That’s it! Just sit back and enjoy reading peoples’ responses to the challenge.

Looking forward to what you develop!