Adversity and Me

Though I feel good about coming through to the end of an adverse experience, if you're like me, you do not desire to linger long on these times and places. Adversity is life's schooling. Adversity shaped me.

Seven adverse experiences:

1. Failed the Plane Geometry Regents, a New York State high stakes exam. I was a fairly good student and could hold my own in school, but math concepts were hard to grasp. My teacher spoke with the most monotonous voice I've ever listened to. My attention span was zilch. No doubt I zoned out. Though I read the text carefully, I just didn't get the logical proofs for the theorems. My teacher was very patient. She tutored me after school at least two nights a week for the whole spring semester. In addition, my mom sent me to a neighbor for assistance. He had been a Station Master for the Erie Railroad. Odd credentials to teach me geometry. One day, as I sat in his dining room and he gave explanation, I had an "aha" moment. I cannot put my finger on why his help did the trick, but it did. Lesson: Keep at a problem until you figure it out. Take advantage of help offered by others. Don't give up on yourself.

2. Early teaching experiences - difficult. At 22, I did not catch on to why students did not love literature and ideas as I did. After all, these literary treasures provided life lessons. But I soon came to realize that students thought of much of the classics as musty and stuffy. Just because you read something and understand a concept in college courses, does not mean you can translate that to the everyday world in effective ways. Then one evening, when chaperoning a group of students on a bus trip, I had an "aha" as I heard one student playfully converting his ideas to the rhythms of the poem "'Twas the night before Christmas." I wondered how he might be convinced to convert Julius Caesar to a modern inner city landscape. Don't tell anybody this, but I bargained with him to write that play in the place of his term paper. I told him it would be fun for our 11th grade classes to present his play to the whole school. Farfetched? Not at all. Lesson: I built on my learners' strengths and abilities. A focus on students' gifts and talents changed the learning experience for me and them. This paved the way for me to be open to MITA work with Dr. Ellen Weber. Assisting learners to build on their gifts and talents... to move concepts to real life is a brain-based approach.

3. In my 20's a horrible flu hit my body and landed right in my heart lining . Every fourth beat thumped and lifted my chest in a scary way. Devoid of strength, I could hardly get up from bed. The doctor sent me straight to hospital where I was put on complete bedrest with a monitor on my heart. I was there for a whole month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Times when we are set aside, give us pause to reflect on what life's truly about. I thanked God often for life and the people, who brought blessing to my life. Scared, yes... but, a realization began to capture my thoughts... I really wanted to have a child. During days in that bed, not able to move, I asked God if He would be willing to bring a child to my life. If not, I would accept that, too. Strange that I focused on having a child more than asking for healing, but that was my focus. I was released from hospital, day before Christmas, though weak. Amazingly, a couple of months following this I learned I was pregnant. A blessing of the Lord. Lesson: Take time to meditate on God and what is important to your whole life.

4. My husband and I were turned down on a home purchase offer after waiting 30 days for owners to sign. After scouring our area for a home when Carl completed college, we settled on an older cobblestone house which opened a wonderful view of Silver Lake since it was on a slight rise. The refusal delayed our quest to find a country home. So it was almost the end of summer before Carl began his teaching career. We had no home. We lived with his parents. Then I said, "Remember that old inn that needs work? I think we could fix it up because the purchase price is low. He agreed and we bought it. We gutted it. We ran new water pipes, had two bathrooms, a new furnace installed. By October we moved in. First choices aren't always the best overall. Lesson: Fashion what you have at hand into what you want. Later, we purchased the rest of the acreage that went with this century farm. Owning this land was our dream.

5. Shyness and lack of confidence held me back. I can remember mother saying my father was a shy person. Just hearing her say that, plus my genetic make-up, helped contribute to a pattern of painful shyness and lack of confidence. Here's one incident... In second grade I was too shy to ask the teacher what I had to make up after a week sick with strep throat. So I turned around and asked the girl behind me. The teacher caught me talking. She came, grabbed my arm, went to her closet, took out a paddle and whacked me in front of the whole class. I was so scared and mortified that I wet my pants.

Even more recently, when I had my interview to enter the PhD program, I lacked confidence. The interviewer did not recommend me. However, another professor in the department interviewed me and saw a raw gem in a rough stone. She approved my acceptance. I had passion for the goal I strived to accomplish. Nothing could hold me back... not even lack of confidence.

When forced to take a required course from the first interviewer, I balked. Ellen Weber gave me a plan to turn this around. She said I should smile, greet him cordially, and strike up a conversation every time I saw him. She also gave me strategies to ask good questions based on readings, which I could apply to seminar discussions. She advised me to take the risk to share my ideas boldly or I would not make it in the program. A great desire filled my heart to finish the program so I could be an asset to the MITA work. The more I acted opposite to feelings, changes evolved. Lesson: Step out and take risks. Act opposite to feelings. By doing so, you build confidence step-by-step.

6. "You need an extra course", my advisor said... just before the end of my PhD program. You learn to "eat rocks." One more course meant I had to pay out-of-pocket tuition with no work-study to defray expenses. To make the best of the setback, I elected to take a course in technology. I still reap the benefits. Without the course I'd lack technological savvy needed in many work settings. Lesson: Change setbacks to advantages. Avoid dwelling on what goes wrong, but take advantage in ways that benefit.

7. Hit black ice and totaled car when it hit a tree. As I waited in a an ice cold car, crippled on its side, windows smashed and branches poking through, I wondered if help would ever arrive. My first reaction... I am alive... God spared me for something important. I waited and waited and yelled, "help." No one heard. I prayed that someone would see the car and phone the rescue squad. This crash helped me see what I most valued.

Joining MITA was a way to help others use their gifts and talents. So I took a risky financial leap to quit my job and help launch a vision Ellen Weber began to develop 15 years prior. The Lord helped open my eyes. Soon after my mother died. Her inheritance helped tide me over to keep my feet on the ground for a bit. Lesson: Life is more than money - it is fulfilling a purpose to help others develop their unique gifts. Incidentally, no black ice had formed there in previous years I drove this road to work. "God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform."

Challenges: Puzzles, challenges and problems activate the human brain, which leaps to solve them. Writing this blog was major because I am a private person and don't like to reveal what was hard. Wasn't sure I could do it, but kept seven in mind as I listened to Mozart. The stretch to complete it flowed as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Optimal Experience. Joanna Young contends that your mind keeps flowing until you meet the number challenge. Try either Robert's or Janice's writing challenge listed just below and see what happens. One benefit - the writing sharpens creativity and problem solving skills for work.

Robert Hruzek's What I Learned from... Adversity topic is his April group writing challenge. If you want to participate the deadline is tomorrow, April 12. The rules are listed on his site.

You'll note I've included seven things listed that you probably did not know about me. Janice, author of Sharing the Journey, just launched this new blog. I'd like to tag the following friends to join the meme and give Janice a link, too. Best part is you can use your creativity to shape your writing in unique and creative way. You're at the helm.

Alina Popescue at Words of a Broken Mirror

Brad Shorr at Word Sell

Jeanne Dininni at Writers Notes

Joanna Young at Confident Writing

Karen Swim at Words for Hire

Lisa Gates at Craving Balance

Paul, Cam and John at Chaos Scenario

Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings

Up to the challenge?