The way our brains work, deeply affects listening capability. Here's why...
Not too surprisingly, at least three facets of how the human brain works, impact our listening and speech patterns. When we hear an exciting idea, we may be tempted to build on that in our own mind. Our brain's neurotransmitters release dopamine, helping us to feel the pleasure of a reward. The pleasure we receive from forming new ideas in our minds may work at odds with truly listening to another person.
Likewise, patterns of past interactions stored in your basal ganglia, impacts personal mental mindsets. For instance, if you have attended workshops, meetings, company training sessions, or have not engaged in meaningful conversation with certain people, you can see why you will need extra spark to be attentive.
Over time, the speech patterns we adopt culturally, affect the way we listen to others. The brain's basal ganglia, described by Dr. Ellen Weber, is a "mental storehouse for habits, routines and ruts for every lifetime experience you've encountered." If you are used to forming new ideas so you can respond during a pause as someone else talks, you do not listen well.
The brain mainly focuses on one thing at a time. For instance this is why it is impossible to text and drive at the same time since multitasking causes the brain to bottleneck. Perhaps this bottle necking proclivity shows exactly why it takes such intentional focus to truly listen to someone as s/he speaks. So how do we begin to focus more on listening?
"Interest or importance is inextricably linked to attention," according to John Medina in his book, Brain Rules. Medina notes that researchers refer to this as arousal.
Value the speaker When you listen well, and give another person's thoughts keen contemplation before you answer, you serve both yourself and that person well. Why not take a card or memo pad to events to jot down key words that jog your ideas later? In this way you can engage even more of the other person's idea and you will have even more to go on later.
Eye contact counts When you truly look at some one's eyes as he or she speaks, you jack up your focus. If you are in a busy room full of activity, you could be easily distracted. Laughter, catching part of a joke, seeing someone you want to contact, can take away your attention quickly. Because the brain tends to focus on one thing at a time, I have to really focus on the eye contact. It makes a difference for me. You?
MITA Two-footed questions As you listen intently ask questions that take the person's ideas to a new angle or a facet you want to know more about. People enjoy telling you their best ideas. By keeping the focus on that person's interest, you can go deeper with him or her. In so doing, you will find that you will have more buy in yourself. The conversation thus moves from neutral, to one in which you are keenly interested. As you gain interest, you are bringing more of your right brain, the creative side, to the conversation.
Active listening A friend from China, Wen Ma, shared that in his culture people listen actively and contemplate the person's point and take time before they respond. Active listening can improve a sales person's abilities to engage well since it listening well enough to respond to clients' needs helps clinch all-important deals.
Words block distractions If you find your mind is distracted when someone speaks, say a word in your head such as, "focus," or "clear the mechanism." Then replace this with a key word you hear from the person speaking to move your thoughts with his or hers.
Posture counts - lean in By leaning in as you listen, it boosts your concentration and creates a deeper connection to other people.
Practice makes perfect If you can see the need to improve on past listening habits you've developed, as have I, they can be changed. And it's related to the human brain's amazing plasticity. Very recently researchers began to explore this aspect of the brain even more.
Here's a listening test found on Psychology Today. Start with their analysis to change where you stand...
Thoughts or additions?
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